


Bells Will Be Ringing

by Cam719, westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Children, F/M, Family, Friendship, Holidays, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-26
Updated: 2009-09-26
Packaged: 2019-05-15 06:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14785608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cam719/pseuds/Cam719, https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Third installment in the Angels and Demons universe. It's Mike and Ellie's wedding! We weren't going to do it, but we figured we'd be lynched if we didn't. So, here it is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

“Josh?”

At the sound of the President’s voice, I immediately pick my head up. Good thing I’m already standing. I’m getting sucked into this budget, but for some reason, I’ve lacked the desire to sit down.

“Sir?”

The President walks into my office. He looks guilty about something. The last time I saw this look on his face he snuck into the Oval Office stoned out of his gourd on pain pills. So, I immediately dread where this is going, but at the same time, hoping it’s hilarious like that time was…in hindsight…

“I have a problem.”

“I would think you have several, sir.” I say dropping the document in my hand onto my desk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re the President of the United States. I would think there are a lot of problems on your desk right now.”

“Oh no, not that stuff.” He says waving off the very notion with his hands. “This is something different.”

“What’s wrong?”

“The secret service won’t let me go to Mike’s bachelor party tonight.”

“Why? It’s at a hotel.”

“I don’t know. Ron’s having puppies over it; something about the kitchen.”

Okay. This is not the best news. I know I’m frequently trying to get out of all social events involving the President, but I know it was important to him to go. He actually likes Mike, even though he’s marrying Ellie and according to the President that should be grounds for deportation, he hates Doug, Liz’s husband. So though he hates not being the number one guy in his daughter’s life anymore, he was excited about getting a son in law he liked.

Mike on the other hand would be perfectly happy with this new development. He likes Jed, but he’s terrified of the President, and he doesn’t always know who’s who. 

“But here’s the thing,” the President continues. This is where I stop liking this conversation. “Donna suggested just moving it here. Since I was going to be there, everyone’s been checked out.”

Okay, NOW I wish I could sit.

“Donna?”

“Yes.”

“Donna?”

“Your wife.”

“My wife Donna suggested moving Mike’s bachelor party to the White House?” 

I’ll kill her. Never in our entire relationship have I thought that my beautiful, sweet wife could be so cunning, but I see now I have been blissfully in the dark.

“Yes.” The President says again. “It’s a great idea.”

“IT’S A HORRIBLE IDEA!” I may have yelled that too loudly.

“Why?” the President asks and damn if he doesn’t look disappointed. 

“BECAUSE OF THE --” I cut myself off when I realize where we are and drop my voice significantly to just a harsh whisper. “Because of the strippers.”

“STRIPPERS!?” 

So much for that plan. I rush around him and close the door quickly. We’re dangerously close to the communications bullpen where there are reporters just itching to hear the President of the United States talk about strippers.

“Are you crazy?!” the President yelps when the door is tightly closed. “Toby will pummel you for having strippers in the same building as me. Hell, I’m going to get busted for even SAYING the word strippers!”

“They were coming after you left...LONG after you left.” I sigh.

“I can’t even remember the last time I saw strippers.”

“SIR!” I’m not ashamed to squeak in his presence; he’s heard it before.

“What?” he acts all innocent. “I went to college.”

“You went to Notre Dame!”

“And just what is THAT supposed to mean?” he crosses his arms across his chest. I should sense danger here, but we always one up each other on who went to the better school….me, by the way…

“You were going to school to be a priest.” 

“But then I changed majors.”

“And suddenly went wild?”

“I’m just saying I’ve seen strippers.”

“Okay, okay, okay!” There’s really not enough bleach in the world to erase this particular image. “The point, sir, is you were hoodwinked.”

“Hoodwinked? No! By who?”

“Donna.”

He pauses a moment and looks at me. “Nooo.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I don’t believe it. Donna would never do that.”

“She saw her opening and she played you, sir.” I nod. I’ll send my wife up the river with the President, no problem. I’m about to have a lot of angry guys hunting me down.

“How?” he demands. He clearly doesn’t believe such a thing of Donna.

“Donna and Ellie were pissed over the stripper thing. So, by moving the party to the White House, that effectively eliminates any strippers because I will be dead and buried before I allow strippers in this White House.” 

“Oh YOU will, will YOU?” He counters.

“Sir, this is not the time to prove a point to me. This one will end disastrously for all us.”

“How?” He’s not out of the ‘I am King’ mode he falls into in situations like this.

“One word: Abbey.” I say.

“Oh yeah.” 

“Yes.”

“Good looking out there, Josh.”

“Yes.”

“Josh, you know how I feel about Doug.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Who just couldn’t seem to get down here tonight, the night before his sister in law’s wedding to celebrate with his soon to be brother in law and his father in law.”

“I know, sir.” 

“I wanted Mike to know that I don’t think he’s evil.” The President sighs sitting down.

Shit. Now, I’M being played.

And masterfully I might add.

“I don’t think Mike thinks you think he’s evil, sir.” I smirk.

“I mean he’s male, and I don’t like that one bit, but I have to admit, he’s good for her.”

“And she’s good for him.” I agree. “She’s been an amazing influence on him.” 

“So, I was really looking forward to this.”

“Well, you’re in luck, sir, because if you can’t be there, it just wouldn’t be the same.” NOBODY around here sucks up better than me….except maybe CJ; she’s pretty good at it. 

“You’ll move it?” He asks perking up…like he ever thought I wouldn’t. And I nod. “We’re back in business!” He exclaims clapping his hands and standing up. “And, Josh, there’s a bright side here you have yet to consider.”

“What’s that, sir?” I sigh heavily. I’m so screwed.

“The bachelorette party is upstairs in the Residence at the same time.”

Or maybe I’m not so screwed….That has possibilities!

TBC


	2. Bells Will Be Ringing

“Donna?”

“Uh-huh?” She looks nervously at the clock again. 

“Why do you keep looking at the clock and biting your lip?” I ask her.

“Well…see…Matt, it’s like this…” She pauses again. This is going to end up badly for me, I know it. She’s said something or done something that is going to bring the White House Deputy Chief of Staff, not my friend Josh Lyman but the DCOS, breathing fire into my office and possibly taking out innocent bystanders.

Donna has adopted the smart political strategy, for her at least, of giving Josh bad news when they’re both in MY office betting that he’s going to have to be more restrained in my office than he would be at home or on his turf. It works out pretty good for her usually, but someone in my office always gets caught in the crossfire; usually me.

For instance, when Donna agreed to let their children be in the wedding of the first daughter at the White House, without consulting with Josh, she shared that information here. Then I had to endure THREE days of shouting between them while trying to conduct Congressional business. Josh…objected to the idea to put it mildly. Donna almost always wins in the end, my friend is truly besotted with his wife, but the length of time we all must endure his…unhappiness over the situation depends on the level of Donna’s perceived transgression. Right now she’s biting her lip, which indicates at least a two day battle over something.

“What did you do?” I ask point blank.

“Why do you I assume *I* did something?” She asks pretending insult, but I just give her ‘the look’. “Okay, so when I stopped over at the White House earlier? I ran into President Bartlet…”

”You RAN INTO President Bartlet?” I say skeptically. Even I know that nobody RUNS INTO the leader of the free world. 

She sighs. She really should know better than to try to pull that crap with me. Sometimes, I think she’s just trying shit out before she tries it on Josh. “The President asked me to show him the latest video of the twins when I got a chance so when I stopped at the White House this morning, at your request by the way, I stopped to show him the video.” This I believe. The President is a HUGE sucker for little ones, and they don’t come any cuter than little Briana and Noah Lyman. 

“When all of a sudden…” I prompt her for the rest of the story. Josh isn’t going to be pissed about her sharing a video with the President. In fact, I’m surprised she beat Josh to it. He’ll assault anyone standing still long enough with pictures and stories about his children.

“The President was really upset because the Secret Service nixed him going to the bachelor party tonight.” Donna relays. “He wanted to welcome Mike to the family and show him that he doesn’t hate him just because he’s taking Ellie away. He was extremely disappointed not to be able to participate.”

“Yeah…” I’m waiting for the shoe to drop here. It can’t be long now.

“So I suggested that they move the bachelor party there.” 

Yep. There it is. And with Josh coming over to the hill for a leadership conference at 2:00 that means he should be showing up here…

“Donna Moss!” His shout can be heard from the lobby. I’ve noticed that he only uses her maiden name when he’s particularly pissed. Donna must have noticed that too, because she’s kind of wincing.

“Did you have to do that? Really?” I ask her quietly.

“He was so sad to be missing it!” Donna insists.

“DONNA?!” Josh shouts again.

“And it had nothing to do with the little scuffle here the other day about the strippers that were scheduled to appear at the hotel tonight?” I ask shrewdly and she purses her lips.

“It didn’t HURT that one thing precluded the other.” She admits. Damn this woman should have been a lawyer…or a politician.

My door slams open to find a red faced Josh Lyman standing there looking…angry.

“Hi honey! Good day?” Donna smiles. “The twins are…”

“Don’t you dare bring our children into this, Donnatella.” He replies, interrupting her neatly.

“I wouldn’t want to, what with all the talk of strippers lately.” She mutters.

“I KNEW it!” He crows. “I knew this was your way of getting rid of the strippers!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Joshua, this was my way of making sure the President was involved in his soon to be son-in-law’s bachelor party…getting rid of the strippers was just a happy BONUS!”

“I think it’s time to take this back to Donna’s office.” I offer and I’m promptly ignored by both of them. I expect it from Josh, but Donna does work for me and that’s vexing.

“The guys are gonna be pissed.” Josh declares.

“Then the ‘guys’ can all grow up.” Donna tosses back. “Strippers! What, are you all in college now?”

“Mike has had to endure more than any guy ought to have to for the privilege of marrying the President’s daughter and we wanted to give him a send off to…”

“Endured more than any…” Donna scoffs. “Do you hear yourself? Mike loves Ellie. He’d do anything for her and her for him. He doesn’t need a reward for running the Presidential gauntlet, and IF HE DID his reward shouldn’t involve naked women that aren’t his fiancé!”

“So you’ve told me!” He shouts back.

I whistle loudly and get their attention for a moment. “Enough. Take this out of my private office. Take it out of my Congressional office. Take it out of the workplace entirely and settle this at home like normal people.”

“You’re not going to object to this?” Josh asks me.

“Yeah, Josh the loss of female strippers is going to break my heart.” I quip.

“Oh…yeah…” He finally remembers that I’m gay.

“And if I’m not mistaken, you yourself said the stripper thing was juvenile when Mike’s little brother suggested it.” I point out.

“That was before.” He maintains.

“Before what?” Donna asks.

“Before it became a matter of principle!” He defends himself.

“So let me get this straight.” I rub a hand across my forehead and look back up wearily at Josh. “You yourself were against the strippers until Donna said you couldn’t have the strippers and then you had to get the strippers for the principle of it.”

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I don’t need any strippers. Look at the gorgeous wife I get to go home to everyday.”

I sigh. “Leave. Leave now.” I suggest and he must see how serious I am because he only stops briefly to tell Donna,

“We’re not done with this yet.” But they both smirk so it looks like the worst of it is over and soon Josh is gone and Donna is sauntering back to her office riding on the high from her husband’s compliment I’m guessing. I swear to God. If I live to be a hundred I will NEVER understand their relationship. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, baby, come to Mommy.” I cajole her and my Briana comes through for me. She is pretty reliable; it’s her brother that’s going to give me nightmares. We’ve been ‘practicing’ walking down the aisle for weeks and if it’s getting old for me, I can only imagine what it’s like for the two of them, but they have to perform on command tomorrow while everyone in the free world watches Mike and Ellie’s wedding. 

Noah has stopped about halfway up the aisle to inspect something shiny he sees on the floor or maybe it’s a discarded piece of gum or something. “Noah, honey, look at Mommy.” I shake his favorite toy hoping to motivate him to walk this way, but I’ve lost his attention and don’t have much hope of getting it back now.

“Way to go, BJ!” CJ congratulates our daughter and scoops her up for a hug and a tickle when she makes it to the end of the aisle. Is there any doubt who is CJ’s favorite? CJ immediately shortened Briana Joan to BJ after she was born and she is the only one who refers to her as BJ, but it works for the two of them. They are, quite obviously, delighted with each other. BJ lets CJ play mommy with all of the fun and none of the responsibilities. CJ in turn showers her favorite adopted niece with beautiful ‘girl’ clothes and accessories. Let’s just say my daughter probably has a bow or hair clip for every strand of hair on her head. 

“Noah!” I try again. “Come on, buddy! Come get your toy!” Nothing.

“Why don’t you try offering some sort of junk food?” CJ suggests and I glare. “It works for his father.”

“How’s it going?” Ellie asks when she joins us. They’re about to start the ‘real’ rehearsal and I still can’t Noah out of the aisle.

“I’ve got a consistent 50% success rate.” I admit. When I agreed to let the children be in the wedding, my biggest concern was that they wouldn’t be walking well enough to perform their duties. Now my nightmare is that Noah will abscond somewhere with the rings about halfway down the aisle. “Are you sure Briana can’t do ring bearer and flower girl duties?”

Ellie laughs. Thank God this stuff doesn’t seem to stress her out. Every time someone brings up all the details and political glare Ellie’s dealing with having the wedding at the White House, she just smiles and says it was important to her dad. She tells us as long as she ends up married to Mike at the end of the day, the wedding’s a success regardless of what else happens in between. She has got a great attitude. Or she’s on drugs. 

“He’ll be fine, Donna.” Ellie assures me. See what I mean. “If he doesn’t make it down the aisle, we’ll have someone get the pillow from him and toss it the rest of the way down.”

Just then my husband and the man of the hour walk in. Ellie beams. It makes my heart flutter. Not that I don’t love Josh every bit as much, even more, than the day I married him, it’s just that there’s something very special about a couple when they’re just on the verge of taking that monumental step. It’s Holy.

“Where’s the keg? Let’s get this party started.” Ladies and Gentleman, Josh Lyman. I’m gonna kill him. “Hey beautiful!” He scoops Bri from CJ’s arms and nuzzles her neck with kisses; Briana’s not CJ’s. “Where’s your brother?”

I point resignedly down the aisle where Noah has now decided to sit down and play with the silver knobs one of the chairs.

“Hey, buddy! Come here and see Daddy!” Like a bullet from a gun, Noah springs up and RUNS down the aisle to his dad. Okay. Josh is going to need to be stationed at the end of the aisle. There’s no other way it’s going to work. The wedding coordinator arrives and tells us we need to get started and that the President will join us as soon as possible. She walks us through the ceremony like we’re redneck idiots. 

I hate snooty White House protocol people. She gets on my nerves immediately. She seals her fate when she tells me there is NO WAY Josh, who is serving as Mike’s best man can abandon his post to stand at the end of the aisle to help coax Noah all the way down the aisle. Does Josh need to physically hold Mike up or something?

“It’s just that he’s not consistently walking all the way down the aisle each time.” I explain. “If he sees his father there…”

“If he’s unable to perform his duties, perhaps we should consider a replacement?” The coordinator turns the question to Ellie who looks as horrified as I feel.

“No!” Ellie pipes up. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Of course he will, he’s a Lyman.” President Bartlet’s booming voice reaches us as he squats down to be at eye level with our children. “They’ll be fine and if not, it will provide a little humor to the proceedings. My Ellie always had a great sense of humor.” Jed Bartlet looks up and meets the eyes of his middle daughter. I feel my eyes tearing up.

“Glad you could make it, Dad.” She smiles and takes his arm. “Ready to walk me down the aisle?”

“Not nearly.” He sighs. “I swear you were just this size only yesterday.” He indicates our Briana. “Hold on to her tight, Joshua. Before you know it, some fine young man will come along and sweep her away from you.” The President winks at Mike in approval. “Let’s get this show on the road. We have some parties to attend this evening.” He claps his hands and rubs them together. 

“There are actually a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner first, you know.” Abbey reminds him.

“I thought we were just having pizza at the parties!” He teases and gives his wife a quick kiss before leading Ellie to the back of the room to begin their practice walk.

“He says he’s going to wipe us all out in poker.” Mike complains good-naturedly. I think if it cemented him in President Bartlet’s good graces, Mike would happily lose to his future father in law in poker all night. Josh claps him on the shoulder. 

“I say it’s a small price to pay.” Josh sums it up. “How long before the rehearsal and the dinner thing?” He asks me.

“The dinner starts in an hour and will probably go for two hours.” I predict. “Then I bring the kids home for Grandma to babysit and it’s off to our respective parties.”

“With the President and First Lady.” Mike chimes in. “What could possibly go wrong there?”

TBC


	3. Bells Will Be Ringing

“I just wanted to thank you again, Donna, for letting the twins be in the wedding.” Ellie says as we drive back to the White House. As I was leaving with the kids before, Ellie came tearing down the hall, secret service swiftly in tow, begging me to take her with me for a little while. I think the spotlight is getting to her right now. She’s always “Bartlet’s Missing Daughter,” and does a very good job of staying out of view, so she’s very much out of her element right now.

Since I’m now well versed and accustomed to how things work when one hangs out with the First Daughter, I tossed one of her agents my car keys. Rule number one of driving with the First Daughter: you don’t drive, the secret service does, and I’m fine with that! But now we’re returning to the White House in the secret service’s car that they trailed us in.

“Oh I’m glad they are, Ellie.” I assure quickly. “I think they look adorable all dressed up and CJ brought the cutest bow for Briana. I’m honored you asked!”

“But I know Josh was apprehensive.” She says with a slight cringe.

“He is.” I nod. “But we’ve taken care of it. They’ll be in all the formal pictures and then we have most of the wedding party on standby to block them from view of the paparazzi. Josh’s mom will have an FBI escort when she goes home --” I continue and Ellie’s eyes widen in horror.

“They’ll need an FBI escort?!”

“NO!” I quickly assure. “It’s just some off duty friends of Mike’s doing Josh a favor.”

“I honestly never thought of them having their picture in papers all over the world or future White House news reels and all that. I never even considered…”

“It’s okay.” I smile. “Josh did.” And it’s caused him no small amount of hysteria. “And we’re doing all we can to make that a minimum. If Josh were that worried, they wouldn’t be in the wedding. But I’m glad they are. Aunt Ellie and Uncle Mike mean the world to them.”

“Well I hope mine and Mike’s kids will be just as wonderful as they are.”

“You might not think that after tomorrow!” I laugh. 

“I can’t believe it’s here already!” she sighs and falls back against the seat. “I can’t believe after all this media attention he still wants to marry me.”

“Ellie, you’re not going to have the media attention on you your whole life.” I reply. “And I think Mike has done a great job keeping people away.”

“He’s very protective.” She nods.

“He just loves you to pieces.” I smile. 

“Isn’t it funny, Donna?” she smiles in return. “In my life, I never would have imagined me with a guy like Mike. His job is sometimes very dangerous. He works for my dad, for crying out loud! He swears like a truck driver, could care less about any of the artistic events that I like to go to, he’s incredibly smart, but not as cerebral as me, if that makes any sense. I don’t care about sports, or movies with explosions or whether or not the fridge has beer in it. We’re polar opposites.”

“Well so are Josh and I.” I say. “Opposites attract.”

“I guess so. He’s terrified of my dad.” She says with a chuckle.

“Most father-in-laws don’t bring armed guards and the 101st Airborne with them.”

“I’m just constantly amazed he’s put up with all that.”

“It’s a testament to how much he loves you, that’s for sure.”

“But what’s the greatest is all that stuff just doesn’t matter to me; the fact that we’re not interested in the same things because he accepts that and loves me for me. Even if I am a ‘raging nerd’ sometimes.” 

We laugh together and it feels good. “Josh has been known to call me the same thing. ‘Freakish’ is what he calls my gift for retaining random information.” 

“I get it from my dad.” Ellie smiles wistfully and as usual the awkward silence follows. Ellie loves her dad more than anyone in the world I think, but they have a very hard time relating to each other. They have many of the same traits, but don’t hold any of the same interests. I’ve gotten the distinct impression a few times that they frequently butt heads. Mike says there’s been a number of times that he’s witnessed all out screaming matches between them that usually end with Ellie storming off. It’s sad to see two people who love each other so much, have such a hard time at a relationship.

“I just hope Mike can handle the pressure.” She says softly and looks down at her hands.

“I don’t know.” I say thoughtfully and Ellie looks up at me. “From what I’ve seen, it doesn’t seem like the same expectations are on Mike that are on your sister’s husband.”

“I’m not really sure what it is about Doug that my dad doesn’t really like, but he puts up with him because Liz loves him. I think Doug tried too hard and often tried to be something he’s not. That makes my dad nuts.”

“I think your dad just likes that Mike has a gun and a badge.” I chuckle.

“Those are definitely points in Mike’s favor.” She smiles as we pull up to the White House and the secret service opens the car doors for us. As we enter the lobby we stop abruptly as we see Matt and Mike pushing a covered cart and Josh hurrying them along, clearly looking guilty.

“Donna…” Ellie says, her eyes trained on the now vacant door of the corridor leading to the Oval Office and West Wing.

“Yeah.”

“You did say you succeeded in 86-ing the strippers, right?”

“I believe Josh’s words were `Thanks a lot, Donna, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let strippers in the White House’.” I confirm.

“So what do you suppose THAT was?” she asks gesturing to the doorway the boys just left through.

“I’m not sure I want to know.” I sigh heavily.

Ellie turns to one of her agents. “Why don’t you go find out?”

“Ma’am?” the agent asks surprised.

“Go find out what that was, Steve.” She says.

“Ma’am, I don’t do that kind of recon work for you.” 

“C’mon.” she pleads. “You can just ask Mark on my dad’s detail then.”

The agent sighs dramatically and talks into his wrist, pauses a moment and then presses a finger to his earpiece. “It’s classified, ma’am.”

“Classified!” We chorus.

“That’s what Agent Winters said.”

“That’s crap!” I protest. I’m just about to stomp off to the Oval Office – hey, I got the First Daughter with me, it’s not like I’d be storming the thing – when I hear behind me,

“Good evening, ladies.” 

I smile and turn around as Chris greets us. He takes turns kissing first Ellie and then me. “I didn’t get to greet you properly at the thing. Ellie, you are every bit the beautiful bride.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Ellie says and surprises both me and Chris then gestures dramatically to the West Wing. “Go down to Leo McGarry’s office and find out what was in that cart.”

“What?” He looks at her in total bewilderment. 

“Matt, Josh and Mike just wheeled a covered cart back there. I was promised no strippers. I don’t ask for much. Go back there and make sure there are NO skanky hussies back there.”

“Are you serious?” he gapes and receives her glare…which by the way exactly mirrors the Presidential glare which I’m told you NEVER want to be on the receiving end of. “Okay, okay!” he holds up his hands in surrender and walks away, passing Amy Gardner who is just emerging from the West Wing. He stops and pecks her on the cheek before continuing.

“Speaking of skanky hussies….” I mutter and Ellie stifles a laugh as Amy approaches us with her fake smile.

“Ellie, I hope you don’t mind, your mom showed me your dress before, it’s beautiful.” She says and Ellie smiles indulgently.

“No, I don’t mind at all.”

I briefly wonder if Amy tried to spill something on it and then feel kinda bad about always thinking bad things about her. But I can’t help it! Her constant presence and influence on Chris is messing everything up! 

Josh and Chris are still on speaking terms, but it quickly gets strained as inevitably politics comes up or Chris will say “Amy said to…” Things with Chris and Matt aren’t much better. Chris is quite obviously in the Vice President’s camp. I don’t think he hates the idea of Matt’s run for the White House, but I think he’s still hurt by Josh and Matt keeping it a secret from everyone…well, everyone but me.

“And I think the kids are going to be just adorable.” Amy tosses over to me. 

“They’re very excited.” I smile sweetly. How dare this viper talk about my kids!?

We’re saved from further discussion by the abrupt appearance of Mike storming into the lobby with two mugs which he thrusts at me and Ellie, beer spills over the rims and splashes a bit on the floor.

“It. Is. A. Keg. Eleanor!” He barks and then turns and starts walking away. “Take a pill!” But then he stops abruptly, turns back and drops his voice, and kisses her on the cheek. “I love you, sweetie; I can’t wait for tomorrow.” 

Then he disappears.

TBC


	4. Bells Will Be Ringing

With one last shove, I collapse into the chair in the residence, huffing for breath. I guess I can see Leo’s point. The keg really shouldn’t be in his office, but how I got elected to haul it up here…

“Where is everybody?” The president asks.

“They’ll be here, sir.” I report. “The party doesn’t officially start for another half hour.”

“Ah, we’re the pre-party.” He decides as Mike, Matt and Chris join us. “All the important people are here.”

“Good evening, Mr. President.” Mike greets his future father in law. The others follow suit.

“Just the man I was looking for.” President Bartlet booms and puts an arm around Mike drawing him away from the crowd but a little closer to me. “I wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry your future brother in law couldn’t be bothered to come tonight. You shouldn’t read anything into it.”

“I won’t, sir.”

“Doug’s a pinhead and there’s really nothing I can do about that; although I ask the Secret Service about the possibility of an accident before nearly every family gathering.”

Mike’s eyes get wide and his face pales a bit at this, but the President doesn’t seem to notice. 

“You’re my favorite son in law, Mike.”

“I kind of got that feeling, Mr. President, but considering the competition…”

“It’s not exactly saying much?” The President guesses. “All of my daughters have special gifts and traits that make them unique, but my Ellie has always been…introverted to the point that I worried about her. I’ve seen her come out of her shell more and speak up about things that are important to her. That’s because of your influence. You’ve made her feel important and loved and there’s nothing more a father can ever hope for, for their daughter.”

“She’s done the same for me, sir.” Mike answers honestly. “I love her more than anything or anybody.”

“And it shows; in both of you.” The President nods. “However, my fondness for you isn’t going to stop me from taking every nickel you have tonight so that you’re forced to honeymoon in the residence.” 

Mike does a double take before President Bartlet bursts out in laughter. “He fell for it, Leo!” He calls out to his Chief of Staff as Leo joins us as well. 

“And I thought members of the FBI were so smart.” Leo quips.

“In fairness to Mike, we already started drinking.” I chime in.

“Well, that can dull the senses.” Leo allows. “I ought to know.”

“I’ve got a special stash for you, sir.” I tell him and reveal a cooler packed with O’Douls and a variety of soft drinks.

“You’re a good boy, Joshua.” Leo tells me and helps himself to a can. One by one the guys start to trickle in. I have never seen men so reluctant to come to a bachelor party before. It might be the presence of the Secret Service and the President of the United States putting them off, but we’ve got a bar and kick ass buffet all set up here already. We should get the poker started so everybody gets into to the swing of things.

“What are you doing?” Donna shrieks from the doorway.

“We’re having our bachelor party.” I reply.

“Joshua! We’re having our bachelorette party in here. We had the buffet set up and everything!”

“Oh…that was for you guys?” 

“Josh!”

“I thought the President set it up for us.” I explain.

“Right!” Donna does NOT sound convinced. Okay, maybe the President lacks the…foresight to have ordered food for us but still, the guys need to eat.

“We have to feed the guys something, and since we had to cancel the food at the hotel because somebody…”

“Fine!” Donna huffs. “We will move our party, but I am not happy about it, Joshua, and you know what it means when I am NOT HAPPY.” She turns on her heel and walks back to the doorway to explain to the ladies that there’s been a change in plans. Shit. That was an unexpectedly bad consequence. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I am SO sorry, Ellie. My husband is an idiot.” I explain as we replenish trays with food for her guests who will be arriving in minutes.

“It’s okay, Donna.” Ellie chuckles. “Their evening did get kind of get short circuited.”

“You are far too forgiving.” I tell her. 

“Look around us, Donna.” She indicates the White House. “Mike has jumped through more hoops than any five fiancés would normally have to. Let them have their fun tonight. Tomorrow we’re going to be scheduled from breakfast to bedtime.” Then Ellie realizes what she said and blushes prettily.

“If you say so…but Josh isn’t quite off the hook for his part in all this.” I maintain. 

“There you are! Everyone is looking for you!” Mrs. Bartlet calls out to Ellie who rolls her eyes.

“Just 24 more hours and I’ll be out of this circus for awhile.” Ellie mutters to me. “I’m coming, Mom.” 

“Look who’s here!” Abbey directs us and Lizzie Bartlet Weston waltzes in.

“Liz! I didn’t think we’d see you until tomorrow!” Ellie hugs her sister and Liz returns it a little more desperately than one would expect.

“Are you kidding? And miss my sister’s last night as a single woman?” Lizzie shoots back. “You look radiant!”

“You’re full of it, but I’m so glad you’re here. Now I have both my sisters with me.” Ellie beams with an arm around each of them. 

“Now that everyone is here, let the festivities begin.” I announce and with a little help we take our refreshments into the theater for chick flicks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a little trouble opening the movie screening room’s doors. That’s never happened to me before. It’s possible that I’m a little drunk. Oh! There’s Donna!

“Donna!” All the women in the theater turn around to look at me. That might have been a little loud.

“Joshua Lyman, you already stole the residence and our food. What more could you possibly want?” She whisper shouts at me. That means that she’s really pissed but she doesn’t want everyone else to know how pissed she is. This is good for me.

“Money…? Please?” The ‘please’ is belated, but I remembered before she prompted me so it still counts.

“MONEY!” Now she shouts all the way and everyone turns around to look at us again.

“Hi…ladies.” I wave and they turn back to the movie. What the HELL are they watching? “What the hell are you watching?”

“Thelma and Louise.” She informs me and I cringe. Guys do NOT like Thelma and Louise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watch him pale at the words ‘Thelma and Louise’. Guys hate Thelma and Louise. For some reason they consider it emasculating and usually make a hasty retreat once they hear what’s playing. That’s what I’m going for here. Then I remember his request for money.

“I thought you brought $200 tonight for the game.” That was our agreed upon amount.

“I did.”

“What happened to it?” 

“The President took it.” He whines. “I just need a little more to win some back.”

“Or lose some more.”

“Always a possibility in the world of professional gambling, Donna.” He shakes his head sadly. “But I have to stay in the game to help Mike. If I’m out, then it’s just the President and Mike and the President already threatened to take all of Mike’s money so he’d have to honeymoon at the White House. So really I’m trying to help Ellie here too.”

“I’m really impressed you can get that all out considering how drunk you are right now Josh Lyman.”

“Donna…Just another hundred.” He pouts.

“Absolutely not.” It’s my turn to shake my head sadly.

“It’s for Ellie!”

“It’s for your ego.” I refute. “Besides, it’s all an act.”

“No, I really am quite drunk.” He insists.

“Not that, idiot boy. The poker game. The President fixed things so it would come down to him and Mike and the President will lose to Mike in the end, so Mike ends up with everyone’s money.” I explain.

“I’M paying for Mike and Ellie’s honeymoon?” He asks all confused. He’s quite cute all drunk and confused.

“It would appear so.” I agree. “Go back to the game. Concede gracefully and President Bartlet will take care of the rest.”

“Okay, fine. But I still think I could win our money back.” He turns to go but then stops abruptly. “Wait a second…”

“What?”

“This is NOT Thelma and Louise.” He accuses.

“It will be shortly. I’d hurry out if I were you.” And without another word, he does precisely that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life doesn’t get any better than this. I’m surrounded by friends, although it’s a little dicey between a few of them, I’m marrying the woman of my dreams tomorrow, and I’m about to spend my honeymoon in the residence. See, I thought the President was just kidding about that, but he’s been weeding out one after another at the table until now when it’s just the President, Josh and me. Josh ran out of cash a little bit ago and went to find Donna to beg for more. He is so whipped! We’ve been waiting for his return for about 20 minutes now.

“Mike? Want some more of this chips and salsa?” Matt asks. 

“Why not?” I shrug and Matt delivers a new plate to me at the poker table. 

“Don’t forget to tip your waiter.” Chris snarks and grabs another beer. Things have been okay between Chris and Matt so far tonight, but the more he drinks the more belligerent he seems to get. Matt, who hasn’t had much to drink at all tonight simply blows him off. I’m glad.

“I’m back!” Josh sings…sort of and sits back down at the table with us. Well, he sits down after his first attempt lands him on the floor. Leo bursts out laughing. 

“Problems, son?” He smirks. It’s disturbing to see Josh’s smirk on Leo’s face.

“No, no. I’m fine.” Josh assures us and now Matt joins in on the chuckling. “I…fold.” Josh dramatically lays his cards on the table then gets up to get more food from the buffet.

“You fold?” The President confirms.

“I fold.” Josh repeats with a mouth stuffed with food.

“You mean Donna wouldn’t give you anymore cash?” Matt interprets.

“I don’t have to ask my wife’s permission to spend MY money.” Josh counters. 

“She said no.” Chris agrees with Matt.

“I decided…by myself, all alone…that I was done.” Josh insists. Nobody believes him of course, but nobody is going to push it either. We’ll just mock him mercilessly for it later.

“Looks like it’s you and me, Agent Casper.” The President smiles at me with this shark smile. I’m scared of this man. “Once I clean you out too, we should go down and watch a high testosterone movie in the screening room.”

“NO!” Josh shouts and several eyes turn to him. “The women are down there.”

“I thought since you’ve been married awhile Josh that you’d have learned they really don’t have cooties.” The President continues raising the bet. I’m going to be out in minutes.

“It’s not that sir.” Josh explains. “It’s just that…they’re watching…Thelma and Louise.”

Gasps are heard all around the room.

“Nothing good can come of that.” I nod in agreement and continue to push chips into the center of the table.

“They’ve been down there for hours. I say it’s our turn.” President Bartlet announces. “A little “Yeoman of the Guard” will rid us of the female contingent easily enough.”

Now moans are heard all around the room; one comes from me.

“You don’t like Yeoman of the Guard, Michael?” The leader of the free world asks me.

“It’s a fine film, Mr. President. I was just thinking that for the party mood we’re trying to create…maybe another film might be…more appropriate?” I offer.

“Huh…Maybe it’s more of a Lion in Winter kind of night?” He pushes.

“Uh….” I turn a panicked look at Josh for help in extricating myself from this quicksand.

“Maybe…” Josh allows. “Or maybe, you know, something from this century?”

President Bartlet glares at him and then turns it on me. “Let’s just make this more interesting, shall we?” He pushes all his chips into the center of the table. “Winner takes all; all the chips and the choice of movie.”

What to do? What to do.

“Okay…All in, sir.” I likewise push all my chips to the center. He lays his cards on the table and I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. “Sorry, sir. I believe my three tens beat your hand, Mr. President.”

“Well… I’ll be damned.” Bartlet shakes his head. I wait to see if the President is going to be a gracious winner…or order his Secret Service detail to bury me in the South Lawn. He stands up and holds out his hand. “Well played, Agent Casper. Congratulations. Let’s go down to the screening room and kick the women out.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” I shake his outstretched hand and watch as Matt scoops all the chips off the table and hands me a thick bundle of cash. This is amazing. Matt loops an arm around me and we start out of the room.

“I can’t believe he won.” Josh admits. 

“I can’t believe you folded with a pair of Queens because your wife wouldn’t let you have any money out of her purse.” The President laughs.

“How do you know what I…” Josh breaks off and I turn back to watch. “Are these…Mr. President, have you been playing with marked cards all night?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Joshua. That would be immoral and illegal…unless it was for a very good cause.” The President winks at his Deputy Chief of Staff and I have to stifle a laugh. I think maybe me and my father in law are going to be just fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Steel Magnolias?” My husband shrieks from the back of the theater. Good Lord.

“Go away, Josh. You’re not getting any more money.” I call back to him and hear other male voices chuckling. This is worse than I thought; all the men are here. That can only mean one thing.

“We had dibs on the theater first, Joshua. You already took over the residence AND our party food.”

“Like you can’t get as much food as you want delivered right to your seats.” He scoffs. “It’s our turn to watch a movie. Mike gets to pick the flick `cause he won the tournament tonight.”

“Naturally. Since Mike won the male ego pissing contest upstairs, we should just leave in the middle of our movie and let you real men watch some testosterone laden movie by yourselves.”

“I’m glad you understand, Donnatella. You’re the best.” He kisses me quickly on the lips.

“You won?!” Ellie exclaims and rushes into Mike’s arms. “That’s wonderful!” She winks at her dad over Mike’s shoulder. “I think since my man won this evening, we should be able to compromise a bit, Donna. Let’s all watch a movie together?”

“Great!” Mike agrees enthusiastically and kisses his bride to be.

“What should we watch?” Ellie asks.

“Whatever you like.” Mike tells her. The guys groan.

“Princess Bride?” 

“Sure!” Mike folds like a cheap suit. He would do anything for Ellie. There’s some good natured grumbling, but before long everyone is enjoying popcorn and laughing at the movie.

Josh’s head is in my lap and he’s snoring quietly. The President and First Lady are at the very front of the theater. Mike and Ellie are sitting a couple rows behind them engaged in…public displays of affection. Then Liz Bartlet comes back in the theater and asks if it’s okay to sit with us.

“It’s fine with me. You don’t mind, do you Josh?” I ask solicitously and get another snore for a response. “He’d love for you to join us.” Liz laughs and sits next to me.

“I can’t wait to see the kids tomorrow.” Liz tells me.

“They’re getting bigger every day, I swear.” I share. “Now whether they’ll perform or not in the ceremony is anyone’s guess.”

“They’ll be fine.” Liz predicts and I can tell from her gaze that’s she watching Mike and Ellie. “I don’t think Doug and I were ever like that.” She says wistfully.

“Every couple is different, Liz.” 

“Maybe. But I look at Mom and Dad, you and Josh, and especially Ellie and Mike and I get so envious. I wish I had what you all have.” 

I chuckle. “Don’t be so sure. Josh and I have had more than our share of troubles. It’s no picnic sometimes.”

“I know that. I’m not naïve. My parents fight. Even the engaged couple who appear to be performing tonsillectomies on each other fight.” Liz shook her head, smiling wryly. “But what makes the difficult times bearable, all the fights tolerable, is that underneath it all…you know Josh’s love for you is true and sturdy. You’ve never had reason to doubt that.”

“No, that’s true. You really doubt Doug’s love for you?” That’s so sad to me.

“He’s been having an affair, Donna. Maybe more than one, but one for sure, for the last several years.”

“God, Liz, I’m so sorry.” I put a hand on her arm. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. There’s a lot to be measured and weighed. We have two children who don’t deserve to read about their father’s…indiscretions in the paper and see it play out on the cable news networks.”

“No…but neither do you, or the kids, deserve to live in a home filled with pain and distrust. Taking your time to make a good decision is very smart.” I tell her and squeeze her arm. “You’re a smart, capable woman Liz Bartlet. You’ll work it out.”

“Thanks, Donna.” She says quietly with tears falling down her cheeks. She grabs some of my popcorn from my bag and pops it into her mouth. We both refocus our attention on the movie.

It’s a hilarious movie, but it leaves me a little cold tonight thinking about what Liz is going through. I gently stroke my husband’s hair and think again of how lucky I am to never have had reason to doubt our love or our devotion to each other.

TBC


	5. Bells Will Be Ringing

Sometimes I seriously doubt my wife’s love for me.

“You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” I scoff. I’m feeling loads better now after my two hour nap in the movie theater.

“This isn’t a surprise.”

“Yeah it is!”

“Joshua, I told you all about this. You were there for the discussion.”

“But I didn’t think you were serious.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not the bride! Why can’t I see MY woman the night before the wedding?”

“You’re seeing me right now and thanks to your hi-jinks this evening; you’ve seen me practically all night!”

“What about the kids?”

“What about them?”

“You’re going to leave ME in charge of getting them ready tomorrow?” That can’t possibly be the plan.

“Josh, don’t be ridiculous. You can’t possibly think I’d leave that up to you.” See?

“So?”

“It’s a 6 p.m. wedding, Josh. I’ll be home in the morning to get them and bring them back here to get ready.” 

“Who planned it this way?” I demand.

“Me and Ellie.” 

“I still don’t understand why I need to be tortured, too. This whole tradition is completely antiquated, by the way.” I bitch as we walk out of my office and she obviously could care less about the seriousness of this situation.

“So you said a mere hundred times the night before OUR wedding.”

“And I endured it like a man.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you did.” She grumbles. 

Fine. Time to get serious here.

“Donna!” I whine. 

“No.” She’s steadfast. “You can whine all you want. It’s not going to make a difference. Your mother and Piper are at home and they’ll make sure you don’t oversleep. These are the plans; they’ve been made and confirmed for months. Maybe in the future you’ll learn to listen to me closer.”

“That’s totally unfair. I listen to you all the time.” She stops walking and looks at me, arching an elegant brow. “I listen to you about the important stuff.” She continues to look at me. “I DO! Listen, I work in the White House. I’ve got a lot of important stuff in my brain to retain. I count on you to keep on top of the little details…”

“Such as sleeping arrangements for one of your best friend’s weddings.” She tosses back and continues to walk again.

“You can’t pin this on me. It’s an admirable effort on your part to be sure, but you and I both know that this is not stuff that my brain has room for. I wish it did, but it just doesn’t.” 

She groans dramatically as we leave the White House and she heads out to the parking lot with me. I think this explains the suitcase in the back seat of the car now. I saw it earlier and it didn’t click because I’m always traveling and a suitcase in the back seat of my car isn’t an oddity.

“You’re taking away from the romance of this for me, Joshua.” She complains.

“Romance? It’s not our wedding.”

“It’s a wedding at the White House on Christmas Eve.” She gushes. “The building is beautiful! Our dresses are beautiful; everything is going to be beautiful.” She’s smiling widely and even though I know some of it has to do with the wine she drank tonight, her eyes are sparkling and she’s smiling and it’s hard not to get caught up in Donna at Christmas...especially with the kids now too. The holidays in my house really are infectious.

“I don’t like sleeping by myself.” I finally concede.

“Well, neither to I.” she says as we reach the car and she unlocks it. “But it’s just one night and it’s for our friends.”

“We’re collateral damage.”

“Yes, I know.” 

She starts to tug at the suitcase to get it out of the car, but being the gentleman I am, I move past her and take it out for her. It’s incredibly heavy. “Good God, woman! What the hell is in here?”

“It’s all my stuff to get ready for tomorrow.” She explains. 

“I thought they were bringing in professional people for all that stuff.” 

“Well, they are.” She shrugs. 

“This is something that only makes sense to Matt, isn’t it?” I finally determine.

“Yup.”

“All right.” I sigh. We head back to the White House and I drag the suitcase along behind me. “There better not be anything in here that’s going to set off the metal detectors.”

“I’ve reconfigured the design of my pipe bomb. It should slip through completely undetected now.”

“You crack me up.”

After her suitcase clears security, I walk her all the way to the stairs leading up to the residence. She stops at the bottom and smiles at me. When she sees my pout, she smiles indulgently at me. “It’s just one night and I’ll be home in the morning.” 

“Don’t stay up too late gossiping with the President.” I warn.

“I actually find his conversations interesting.”

“Because you’re a raging nerd, but it’s going to be a really late night tomorrow, then it’s Christmas…”

She’s gaping at me.

“What?”

“A raging nerd?”

“I call you that all the time.” What? It’s not like this is a new development. A park police officer comes over and picks up her suitcase, walking it upstairs. I’m sure he thinks it’s heavy too.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” She says kissing me.

“Want me to sleep in my office tonight?” I blurt.

“Why would I want you to sleep in your office?”

“You can come down and visit me. It can be a secret rendezvous.” I nod for good measure, but she rolls her eyes.

“Good night, Joshua.”

“I love you.” Last ditch effort.

“I love you, too.” 

I sigh heavily as I watch her climb the stairs and disappear at the top. When I turn around, Mike is rushing up to me.

“Tell me there’s more beer in this building.” He says grabbing my shoulders.

“The keg’s out?”

“The keg’s been returned. Apparently, my bride does not want to chance her groom being hung over tomorrow, but her groom is marrying the President of the United States’ daughter tomorrow in front of the entire world and he’s not done drinking yet!”

“Down in the mess.” I say simply hooking a thumb over my shoulder. He nods and falls into step with me.

“Why is it a 6 o’clock wedding anyway?”

“So we all can attend midnight mass as a new family.” Mike grumbles.

“You’re kidding me.” I laugh.

“Thanks for the support there, buddy.” 

“You are such a sucker!”

“You’re one to talk!”

“Hey, I don’t deny that’s just the kind of crazy shit I agree to for my wife, but YOU’RE always the one making fun of me for it.”

“Well, it’s no picnic being on the other side of the coin, believe me.”

“I know.” I agree. “I also know that you’ve been a champ and the President really appreciates all you’ve put up with to marry his daughter.”

“Is that spin?”

“No, I’m his domestic policy advisor. He talks to me a lot.” I say. 

“Believe it or not, I tend to forget that she’s the President’s daughter until I’m painfully reminded of it like now.”

“Well, you’re handling it well…unlike others.” 

“You know, the President doesn’t seem too fond of Doug either.”

“He’s having an affair.” I say bluntly.

“Does the President know?” Mike looks pretty surprised…and pretty pissed off on behalf of his new family. He’ll do well with the Bartlets.

“I think he suspects.”

“But you know for sure?”

“Yup.”

“How?”

“His wife has a secret service detail, Mike. What do you mean how?”

Mike blows out a long breath. Welcome to my world, buddy. What do you tell your wife and what do you forget you ever heard?

“Should I pistol whip him tomorrow do you think?”

“That’ll be helpful, yeah.” I quip and Mike chuckles. 

“What a prick.”

“He’ll be your brother in law after tomorrow.”

“She’s real classy, Liz, he’s an idiot.” Mike says.

“I try and stay away from the family politics.”

“I’ve learned I don’t have that luxury.” 

When we get to the mess, I lead him back into the kitchen. I pull four beers out of the refrigerator and return to where he’s standing. “What about food?” he asks. “I should probably eat with this. I want to calm my nerves, but I don’t want to be green around the gills tomorrow either. I mean, I’m sure I’ll need to drink more tomorrow.” 

“I really don’t think it’s going to be that bad, Mike.” I say.

“Because you’re used to all this shit. I’ve been able to claim work conflicts for most of the stuff Ellie’s had to go to. This is going to be on t.v. tomorrow!” 

I sigh and point to the door over his shoulder. “There’s a pantry there. I’m sure it’s got stuff in it.”

He turns around and jerks the handle a few times before the door finally opens. “This place is in a lot worse shape than I would have thought.” 

“You really don’t want to know. It seems like they’re always fixing something.” I say as we walk into the big walk in pantry and turn on the light.

“Okay.” I sigh looking around us at all the food on the shelves. This is where all the non-perishable stuff is. It’s a great place to raid when you’re here late at night. I’m just about to scoop up all the apples and peanut butter when the smallest of noises echoes through my brain.

*Click*

Mike and I look at each other wide eyed and then turn slowly to the door. 

“No.” I say as Mike immediately unsuccessfully tries the handle. “Oh, no.”

“Oh yes.” Mike says.

“We can’t possibly be stuck here.”

“This building’s a piece of shit!” 

“This can’t be happening.” I say again. 

“Call security.” Mike says.

“My phone’s in my office. We need to use yours.”

“Ellie took my phone yesterday so I couldn’t take any work calls.” 

“Shoot the fucking lock out then!” I shout.

“You want me to fire a gun in the White House.” He says, but his tone is an answer to my question.

“Okay, that’s a bad idea.” I concede.

“Just a little one.” He replies, measuring with his fingertips.

“So, we’re stuck until someone finds us.” I conclude.

“At least we’ve got food!”

TBC


	6. Bells Will Be Ringing

I pick up the phone and then set it back down in its charger again.

“For God’s sakes, Donna, just call him.” Zoey snickers at me.

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not going to call him. I’m sure he got home fine. He’s an adult after all.”

At this, Zoey and Liz BOTH break out in laughter.

“He IS!” I insist.

“Oh, Donna, he CAN be.” Dr. Bartlet agrees trying to play peacemaker. “Lord knows he is wonderful with those children. But a couple drinks and the company of his…friends, unsupervised, can only lead to trouble.”

“He’s being supervised by Leo and the President of the United States.” I object.

“Blind leading the blind.” Liz chimes in and I decide to call Josh just to say goodnight. That’s all; just goodnight.

“Put the phone down, Donna. I’m sure they’re fine. How much trouble can they get into with Secret Service everywhere?” Zoey asks.

“You’d be surprised, Ma’am.” I reply but leave the phone alone…for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Who have you been texting all night?” I ask Chris in an attempt to start a conversation. He’s not openly hostile to me these days, but he’s certainly not warm and fuzzy either.

“Amy. She wants to meet after this thing.”

“Ah.” There are many other things I’d like to say here, but I wisely decide to keep my mouth shut.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Shit. Chris is drunk.

“I said ‘ah’. It had no deep penetrating meaning, I assure you.”

“There’s always some deep penetrating meaning with you guys.” He grouses.

I decide, again, to let his remark slide. I don’t want to ruin this for Mike. Speaking of which where the hell is Mike? And Josh? I was supposed to give him a ride home and now both of them are AWOL? Something is very wrong with this picture. “Have you seen Josh or Mike?”

“They’re probably closeted up with the Leader of the Free World figuring out how to get you on the ballot in another 20 states.” Chris chuckles and takes another long swallow of his drink. First, let me just say that while Josh has been helping me, President Bartlet has not said a word or done a thing to help with my campaign. I’ve had about enough of this.

“Don’t do this, Chris; not here, not now. This is an important night for Mike. This isn’t about us and whatever snub you think you’ve taken from us.”

“He could care less if I’m here. It’s a duty invitation.” Chris scoffs. 

“Then leave. Amy’s waiting for you.” I stand up to leave him to pout by himself.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about this?” He asks seriously.

“About what?”

“About your party switch. About Josh running your campaign. Any of it. Did you just not trust me?” 

“That was never part of the equation, Chris. We all trust you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. It hasn’t felt like for a long time.”

“I wouldn’t have even said anything to Josh back then if he hadn’t found some polling data I was running in Donna’s stuff. It was just an idea I was…” I shake my head at a loss for how to explain it. “I wasn’t sure he’d agree to run it. I was afraid to ask him. I was afraid nobody would be willing to take on an openly gay Congressman’s run for the White House.”

“I would’ve helped.” He says morosely. “I know I’m not that valuable a commodity, but I would’ve done what I could to…help.”

“I never doubted that until you hooked up with Hoynes and Gardner.” I admit. “Now we don’t know who you’re with or why. I worry that you don’t either.”

“Hoynes has given me lots of opportunities and Amy…”

“That’s fine then.” I interrupt him.

“No, it’s not.” Chris stands up so we’re toe to toe. “I’m tired of being on the outside looking in.”

“That’s your choice. It always has been.” I tell him honestly. “We’d take you any day of the week, but Gardner is another matter. None of us trust her…and neither should you.”

His eyes flash at that comment. Maybe I went a bit too far. But then he closes them for a moment and when he opens them again he nods at me. I’m not sure what that means but it’s the first time in ages I feel like we’ve really connected.

“Will you help me?” I ask him.

“With what?” He asks cautiously.

“Finding Lyman’s drunk ass and getting him to my car?” 

Chris laughs. “Donna is going to kill him.”

“Then we should get front row tickets to the show, don’t you think?” I shrug and Chris puts an arm around my shoulder.

“Let’s find the wandering Jew.” He agrees. We search the rooms we’ve been inhabiting for the better part of the evening, check the screening room floor for a passed out Josh, and even check his office; nothing. I start to get a little concerned until it occurs to me to check the security logs. Neither one of them have left the building. That’s good. How much trouble can two inebriated men get into in the White House?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is bad.” 

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean really bad.” I repeat. “What if nobody finds us before the wedding and Ellie thinks I skipped out on her?”

“Mike…that’s like 16 hours from now. Surely somebody will notice the groom and best man are missing and, you know, search for us.”

“Not if they think I ran out on Ellie.”

“Relax! There are logs for going in and out of here. They’ll see that we never left and then they’ll come looking for us.” Josh tries to reason with me and somewhere in my beer soaked brain it has a ring of truth to it, but…

“This is really very bad.” 

“Would you please stop saying that?” He shouts and it hurts my head. 

“How big is this place anyway?” I ask looking around the huge storeroom.

“It’s pretty damn big, Mike. Haven’t you ever been in here?”

“They discourage the First Family from venturing down here.” I explain.

“I’m beginning to see why.” Josh mutters. 

“It was your bright idea to come in here in the first place.” I point out.

“How was I supposed to know the White House is defective?” He shouts back. 

“Is there any chance that there’s a phone in here someplace? Or maybe an alarm switch we could pull?”

“An alarm switch?” Josh laughs. “In the pantry? For what? Warding off snack thieves?”

“There could be a fire alarm or a vent or something. We should look.”

“I can barely stand up right now, Casper, and you want to go on a wild goose chase?”

“We’ll…walk the perimeter and see if we can find anything, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Josh blearily gets back on his feet and we walk in opposite directions. This place really is cavernous. There are shelves and shelves of food. I guess it takes a lot of food to keep the White House running. We won’t die of hunger here. Of course now I’ve got to pee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Remind me again why we’re sneaking down to the mess at this hour?” Liz asks us.

“Because I’m tired of eating all that Martha Stewart food. I want some chips and dip and pretzels.” Ellie replies. She’s positively giddy. It might have been that last bottle of champagne we just polished off. Liz and I share an indulgent smile.

“If that’s what the bride wants, then that’s what she will have.” Liz declares. She opens the door to the fridge and finds several varieties of chip dip but when Ellie tries to open the pantry door, it appears locked. 

“When did they start locking this up?” Ellie asks still pulling on the door handle.

“They never do.” Liz counters. “You’re just drunk, baby sister. Let me try.” Liz pulls but has no better success than Ellie had. “Looks like you’re out of luck.”

“No! I want my chips!” Ellie bangs on the door repeatedly while Liz and I try not to laugh.

“Ice cream would be a good substitute.” Liz suggests and Ellie’s eyes light up. 

“I love ice cream. I haven’t had ice cream for weeks so I’ll fit into that stupid dress.” Ellie pouts. It’s not quite as good as mine but it has potential.

“Then ice cream it is.” I pull her away from the pantry door, we make a quick stop in the freezer to pick out a couple flavors and we’re back up to the Residence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Stop the banging Josh, and start looking for a way to get out of here.” I tell him.

“I’m not banging I thought that was you.” He calls back. 

“It’s not me, it’s you. Now quit it.” 

The same thought must occur to us at the same time because we meet in the middle of the storeroom with identical looks of excitement on our faces.

“Someone’s looking for us!” I say it first and we dash for the door. Unfortunately, we trip over each other in our haste to get back to the door and we end up sprawled on the floor our heads hitting various food and shelving items along the way.

“Shit.” I mutter.

“Fuck.” Josh shouts and holds his head with his hands. He looks like he might be bleeding a bit.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Forget me. Get the damn door!” I scramble back on my unsteady feet and run the rest of the way to the door. I bang and shout, but after a few minutes it’s clear that whoever had been there isn’t there any longer…and I still have to pee. 

TBC


	7. Bells Will Be Ringing

I come blazing up the stairs to our Brownstone. I’m running SO late! Josh would kill me for it, but since I haven’t gotten a hold of him this morning, I’m assuming he’s still asleep. He must have been up pretty late, if he’s able to sleep with the twins up. They NEVER let daddy sleep in. 

I throw the door open and go charging into the living room. Sara and Piper are in the living room and the twins are with them, with various remnants of breakfast around them.

“Hey! Sorry.” I say out of breath. “The President was incredibly chatty over breakfast; I couldn’t get away. Let me just get Josh up.” 

“Donna?” My mother in law asks me as I turn to hurry towards the stairs. 

“Yeah.” I respond beginning my trek up.

“He wasn’t with you last night?”

I stop cold then walk back down.

“What?”

“He’s not here.” She says.

“What do you mean, ‘he’s not here?’” I ask with dread.

“He didn’t come home last night.”

“He didn’t answer his cell this morning.” I say with rising panic.

“He’s probably at Mike’s then; maybe his battery is dead.” Sara assures me, but I am not assured, so I dial Mike’s home number…since Ellie boosted his cell. 

The answering machine comes on. “Hey, it’s Donna. If you guys are there, you better wake up! I was running late, you’ve got to get moving, Joshua.” I snap my phone closed and look over to Sara and Piper before dialing Matt.

“Hey, Donna.”

“Hey, did Josh leave with you last night?”

“No, I thought he left with Mike.”

“Oh, okay. I just tried Mike’s home number and got the machine. Josh didn’t come home last night and I’m running late.”

“YOU’RE running late?”

“It’s not easy to get away from the President when he gets going about something.”

“Ah.” Matt says completely understanding then sighs. “I’ll go over there.”

“That would be incredibly helpful!” I let out a relieved breath and smile. “Just tell him I got the kids and to get his ass to the White House, I’ll meet him there.”

“Will do.”

“I can’t believe they’re not up yet!”

“Can’t you?” Matt chuckles. 

“Well, yeah, I guess I can.”

“Don’t worry, Donna; I’m on it.”

I snap my phone shut again satisfied. Matt’ll get their lazy asses out of bed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My head’s fucking KILLING me!” I groan.

“Why is it no one’s come down here?” Mike demands.

“How’s it look?”

“How’s what look?”

“My head.”

“You’re getting a black eye.”

“That’s not good.”

“Well, you’re going to have another one when my fiancé sees it. You’re going to have a black eye for my wedding pictures.”

“They’ll touch it up.” I wave.

“CNN won’t.”

“Well, no.” 

“And what are you going to say?” he demands. Damn, he’s cranky today. I don’t blame him. It’s not like either one of us actually slept last night.

“Nothing.” I shrug. “We don’t talk about Fight Club.”

“You’re hilarious.” He replies, but does it with a smirk. “How long do you think it’s going to be? Seriously.”

“Well, its Sunday, and Christmas Eve…” I say.

“So?”

“Well, there’s probably less kitchen staff on They probably don’t staff as many people today.”

“You should really reconsider the all night pastry chef.”

“I’ll get Leo right on it.” I reply, standing up. I have to get the kinks out of my back. My eye isn’t opening all the way and I know the gash on my forehead probably looks fairly mortifying. Donna’s gonna have a cow…fucking shelf…“I would think the caterers would be here soon.” I say.

“They use the mess?”

“Well, the mess’s kitchen is attached to the big kitchen that’s used for official functions.”

“But so all that stuff’s over there on that side.”

Shit. “Um…yeah.”

“I swear to God, Josh, if we’re not out of here in an hour, I really am going to shoot the lock off.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I love your friends, Matthew, but they’re really high maintenance.” Scott says as we approach Mike’s apartment door and I pull out my key.

“They disappeared last night and Chris and I couldn’t find them anywhere.” I reply. “I still think you should have come.”

“The White House freaks me out.”

“Well, with any luck, you’ll have to get used to it.” I counter and he says nothing as I open Mike’s apartment door and Scott flips the first switch we come to.

“Hey slackasses!” I call out. “Get the hell up!”

“There’s no one on the couch.” Scott points out the obvious. Mike doesn’t have a guest room or anywhere else for anyone to sleep. Tell me these two passed out on the bed and I’ll never let them live it down. I take my phone out…just in case I get to take incriminating pictures…

As we enter Mike’s room and I flick the light switch I see two things: 1) The place is a fucking pig sty. Luckily his bride is making him give this place up…or maybe the secret service is; and 2) This apartment is empty.

“Oh…well.” Scott says. “It’s a wedding day mystery.”

“This is not good.” I mutter dialing Donna’s number. “Where the hell are they?”

“Maybe they never left the White House?” Scott suggests. 

I snap my phone shut and look at him like he’s brilliant. “That must be it.” I dial Josh’s office number and get his voicemail. Maybe he just passed out on Toby’s couch. “Let’s head over there.”

“You think they went in search of strippers?” Scott offers as I relock Mike’s place and we head down the stairs.

“Nah, neither of them cared that much about the strippers. It was the principal of the matter. I’m sure they’re just still in the White House somewhere.”

TBC


	8. Bells Will Be Ringing

Noah and Brianna are up and out with us on our way to the White House. We are going to TRY to join everyone for the brunch then they’re going to nap (God willing) while I read Josh the riot act for not coming home last night.

“Donna, I’m sure he’s fine.” Sara assures me.

“I’m sure he is too, Mom.” I agree. “But he won’t be by the time I’m done with him.”

Sara chuckles. “I’m sure his body is punishing him quite sufficiently this morning, but I’ll enjoy watching the floor show.”

We get through security, which is no small feat with all our paraphernalia; diaper bags, a double stroller, garment bags, etc. and head up to the residence.

“There they are!” Liz beams and rushes over to see the kids. “They’ve gotten so big, Donna, what have you been feeding them?”

“Republicans.” I joke. 

“Diced and sliced, no doubt.” Liz tosses it back to me. “We’ve got brunch laid out for everyone as they arrive. We’re trying to keep it casual as opposed to the rest of the day which will be regimented and full of protocol.”

“I can’t wait.” I lean down to unbuckle the belts currently holding my children in check. Once they’re out of the strollers, all bets are off. “Which one do you want?” I ask my mother in law.

“Brianna, hands down.” She smiles.

It’s a well known fact that while both of our children are as busy as you’d expect any children this age to be, it’s Noah that’s both a trouble maker and a destroyer of property. In the White House, it’s the latter part that’s going to be an issue.

“Noah, how about some eggs?” I try to lure him with me using food. It usually works. “Ummm…Liz? Has anybody seen Josh or Mike this morning?”

“You haven’t seen…?”

“Shhhh…I don’t want to panic Ellie. It’s more than likely they are passed out in the building here somewhere but I don’t know how to go about searching without…”

“Say no more.” Liz smiles and has a brief conversation with one of the Secret Service agents who talks into his wrist and gives Liz a nod. “They’ll be located in short order.”

“Thank you.” I tell her sincerely. I’m going to kill them both; after the wedding of course. Ellie deserves to have her dream wedding with her dream man. I think we’ll both make lovely widows.

“Mrs. Weston? We have no record of them leaving the building. We’re doing a room by room now.” One of the agents reports.

Liz and I exchange wry glances. “They’re never going to live this down.” Liz concludes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mike has been pacing back and forth for a good hour, I swear.

“Sit down, would you? With my concussion I’m seeing four of you and with all four of you pacing back and forth I’m getting dizzy.” I request.

“I’ve got to get out of here.” 

“And you will, but you’re not going to be able to pace your way out so sit the hell down!”

Mike slumps to the floor. “This is supposed to be a perfect day; a day we remember for the rest of our lives.”

“It will be. The only goal for today is to get you and Ellie married. As long as the day ends with you and Ellie legally married, anything else is just gravy.” I opine.

Mike looks at me like I’ve grown another head. It’s possible I have. It has been swelling quite a bit. “What?”

“When did you get all eloquent and philosophical?” 

I shrug. “It’s what Donna told me on our wedding day when I was having a nutty.”

That makes Mike laugh. “Now that I believe. You were nervous? I don’t remember you being nervous.”

“Not on the day. On our wedding day I was just excited and happy, but the day before I was a mess. What if I wasn’t good at being a husband? What if I screwed things up and lost Donna forever? What if Donna wised up during the night and made a run for it? A million doubts and questions were running through my head.”

“Then how did you get over it?” 

“I went over to CJ’s at 1 in the morning and talked to Donna.” I smile at the memory. “She told me what I just told you, but I didn’t even need to hear that. Once I saw her face, everything inside me just calmed down. I knew it was right and that everything was going to be okay.” I shrug.

“Man, Josh…I never knew you were such a girl.” He teases and we both laugh.

“I feel it’s safe to make that confession now since we’re both going to die here in the White House kitchen store room.” I shoot back and he groans.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think it’s time to say something to Ellie.” Liz advises.

“No, no, no.” I shake my head adamantly. “We know they’re in the building. We know they’re together. I am not panicking the bride.”

“Any luck?” CJ asks quietly.

“Not yet.” I report. “Luckily, things are so chaotic around here that nobody seems to notice the extra Secret Service activity.”

“There has to be a simple explanation.” CJ reasons. “There are only a limited number of things that would motivate the guys to move from their comfy spots near the alcohol.”

“Right.” Liz agrees. “They were forbidden access to Donna and Ellie.” She begins to tick them off. “They were cut off from alcohol.”

“Chris said everyone else started drifting off when the food and alcohol was depleted.” I share.

“That wouldn’t be enough to stop Mike and Josh. They know where all the bottles are buried around here.” CJ engages in a pun.

“We’ve already checked the mess.” Liz chimes in. “But it couldn’t hurt to go through it once more; especially if they were…indisposed.” 

“She means unconscious.” I translate and CJ laughs. “I’ll make sure Abbey and Ellie are okay with the twins and we’ll take another sweep of the place.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Idiot boys!” I call out once again. This has become tedious and it’s cutting into my wedding prep time. It takes serious time and effort to look good enough to brief on a White House Wedding.

“Do you really think they’ll respond to that?” Liz asks laughing.

“They’ll respond to whatever I call them if they know what’s good for them!” I raise my voice a little louder. Donna is calling out for Josh and opening all the doors and cupboards in her path. The thought of Josh, curled up and passed out in some kitchen cupboard cracks me up.

“What?” Donna asks defensively.

“You really think he’s in one of those?” I point to the cupboard door she’s holding open to peer inside.

“He’s with Mike.” She answers like that explains her methods and I’m sad to say it kind of does. 

“They’re not here.” Liz says quietly. “I think we may have to consider a less pleasant alternative.”

“Like what?” I ask.

“Like…maybe Mike got cold feet and Josh is trying to talk him back from the ledge?”

“No way.” Donna says decisively. “Mike is excited about marrying Ellie.”

“No doubt.” Liz holds up her hands. “I’m just not as convinced that he’s excited about marrying Ellie in front of international audience that’s gearing up for this event.”

Donna and I exchange considering looks then simultaneously shake our heads ‘no’.

“If they made a run for it, they wouldn’t still be in the building.” I theorize.

“They’re passed out someplace ridiculous.” Donna adds. “And God help Josh if he has a pair of panties around his neck.” She mutters.

I’m not sure what that’s about, but I decide some things are just better left alone.

“We’ve checked all the doors and pantries down here.” Liz shares.

“Not this one.” Donna pulls on a door but it’s locked.

“It’s locked Donna. If we can’t get in, Mike and Josh certainly couldn’t get in.” Liz reasons. “There’s no way they could lock themselves into the store room!”

Donna and I exchange another look before we pound on the door. 

“Josh! Mike!” Donna screams. “Are you in there?! Joshua Lyman, you better answer me damn it!”

I continue to pound on the door.

“Stop the damn pounding. You’re making my head hurt.” Josh answers weakly from the other side.

“Thank God!” Liz laughs. She summons an agent and explains the situation…as best she can.

“Is Mike in there with you?” Donna shouts back and pounds some more.

“Of course he is. I promised you I’d stick close to him. Stop the pounding.” He requests again.

“Your head hurts because you’re hung over.” Donna points out angrily.

“My head hurts because I hurt my head.” He disputes.

“How did you hurt your…Joshua is your face damaged?” Ooooh, Donna sounds pissed.

“Your concern over my well being is touching.” Josh is pouting, I can tell.

“Open the damn door!” Mike begs.

It takes the agents a couple minutes, but they manage to free the accidental prisoners from the store room.

“Thank God!” Mike nearly falls to his knees in gratitude for his release. He looks up at one of the agents. “I will never bad mouth treasury again, as God as my witness.”

“You’re welcome, Agent Casper.” I think the Secret Service agents’ mouth twitches. He’s very cute.

“Oh, Joshua.” Donna is shaking her head in despair. “How could you do that to your face? You have to be on television and in wedding photos within hours!”

“You think I did this to myself on purpose?” He asks incredulously. “That I was sitting around last night wondering what I could do to get out of the wedding photos and embarrass myself on national television today?”

“International television.” Liz, Donna, and I respond simultaneously.

“Whatever.” He throws his hands up. “I am in desperate need of some aspirin.”

“And some make up.” Donna adds.

“Can we put off the lecture for now?” Josh takes Donna’s hands in his. “I’m tired, in pain, and I haven’t seen you or the kids in forever.”

That does it. I have no doubt that my sister in crime will find some way to exact retribution for this scare later, but he knows how to soften her up just as well as she knows what buttons of his to push. Any mention of the kids has Donna melting like butter.

“Let’s go find our children and get you cleaned up. Mike, you’d better do some cleaning up yourself. You’re expected for the luncheon soon.”

“Not to mention the fact that I’ve had to pee for hours now.” Mike tells us as he makes tracks up toward the residence.

No doubt about it, ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be quite a day.

TBC


	9. Bells Will Be Ringing

I hiss quickly when Donna examines my head wound. Oh, it’s a wound, I assure you.

“Sorry, baby, but I have to get a good look at it.” She apologizes. Her earlier ire at finding Mike and I stuck in the storeroom has all but dissipated as she sees my injury is a little more than superficial. 

“Oh Joshua.” She breathes. “I think this is going to need to get stitched.”

“Tomorrow.” I say quickly.

“Tomorrow is Christmas.”

“We do not have time for me to sit in an emergency room today.”

“Josh, this place is crawling with doctors.” She reminds me. “Dr. Bartlet, Dr. Griffith, the White House doctor, the President’s personal physician. You can get it stitched right in this building. How did it happen anyway?”

“Not long after we got stuck last night, someone came and pounded on the door. In our haste to GET to the door and get out of there, we collided. I hit my head on the shelves.”

“Oh…really?”

What? That’s her guilty tone.

“Yeah.”

“That was us. Ellie was looking for chips.” She winces. 

I roll my eyes and sigh. I’d be more indignant about that whole thing and find a way to blame this on them, but quite frankly, I’m just too tired to. 

She leans forward and I close my eyes as I feel her lips on my forehead. I keep them closed for just a little longer than I need to. I’m trying to get a quick wink of sleep here. 

“Why don’t you get this stitched, skip brunch and try to sleep a bit down in Toby or Leo’s office?” she suggests. My Donnatella is always looking out for me. To this day, I still don’t know how I got so lucky. “I’ll forego my seat in the make up artist’s seat today for you, if I have to. We REALLY can’t have you looking like that on international television, Joshua.” 

“I had a good excuse though.”

“There’s no such thing today. This is going to end up on a White House newsreel and in 50 years, you’ll be the best man that showed up looking like the Little Rascals.” 

We both look over to the bedroom door as it opens and admits Matt and Scott. He takes one look at me and grins like a hyena. “You asshole.”

“How do you know this didn’t happen in a manly bar brawl last night?” I immediately counter.

“DID that happen in a manly bar brawl last night?” 

“And if it did,” Scott jumps in. “is there video?”

“Not as such, no.”

“You sound like Ainsley.” Donna says.

“I find that a compliment only in so much as she’s family.” I grumble. 

“Come on.” Matt says dragging me off where I was sitting on the bed. “Let’s get that taken care of. There’s no way I’m letting you go around today with a black eye. What’s the other guy look like?”

“Fine.” 

“You’re sure?”

“I took the brunt of it.”

Donna kisses me again and relinquishes me into Matt’s care. Nobody says boo to us as we leave the Residence, partly I’m sure because I’m not supposed to BE here this morning. I’m supposed to be with the best man. 

“We have our work cut out for us.” Scott says.

“I need a bagel.” I grumble and follow dutifully behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m going to puke.” Ellie says.

“You are not.” Liz replies from her position in the manicurist’s chair.

“I really am. I can’t go through with this.” She insists.

“You’re getting cold feet?” I ask as the stylist curls my hair. I’ve tried to tell him it’s not going to stay, but he seemed insulted by the mere thought of his creation not holding up.

“Only about the televised in front of the world part.” She replies. She does look a little… peaked. Maybe she really is going to throw up.

“Just don’t think about the cameras.” Liz shrugs.

“Easy for you to say.” Ellie shoots back. “You didn’t have to go through this.”

“No, I just had to do it in front of New Hampshire.” She concedes. 

“Well, Ellie,” I say. “Speaking as someone who likewise typically ‘gets thirsty’ when my husband is in front of a camera and makes herself scarce, I plan on just taking deep breaths and focusing on my man at the end of the aisle. Once you get to Mike, Ellie, he’ll take care of the rest.”

“No,” she says shaking her head definitively. “This whole thing freaks him out. He probably wants to puke too.”

“But his instincts always seem to be to shield you and protect you and that’s just what he’ll do.” I nod with a confidence I’m not sure I feel. “The ONLY thing that matters today, Ellie, is that at the end of the day, you’ll be married to Mike. That’s it. Everything else is gravy.” 

“There was a certain amount of attention on yours and Josh’s wedding.” Ellie notes.

“There was.” I nod again. “That’s how I got through it. The Receiving line was suspiciously similar to a rope line.” 

“I think I’ll faint if the Receiving line is really an hour.” She groans.

“I don’t blame you.” I empathize. “I won’t be at all disappointed if my children choose that moment to need to be escorted out.”

“You suck.” Zoey chimes in. “None of us have that luxury. Liz’s kids are older.”

“It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that I’ll need to escort my husband out.” Liz mutters and an uncomfortable silence falls over the room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I feel like a girl.” Josh mutters.

“Take a pill; you get this stuff every time you go on t.v.” I say.

“You may be able to cover up the black eye, but bandage or no bandage you can’t cover up the head wound.”

“I love how you keep calling it a ‘wound’ like you got bludgeoned or something.” 

“I did!”

“I thought you said you guys tripped over each other.”

“And then I got bludgeoned by a shelf.” He insists. We’re the only two in his office, as I’m trying to cover up this ghastly bruise on his face. I honestly don’t know how I ended up in charge of the actual makeup application. It’s not like I have a clue in hell what I’m doing. I’m gay, but I’m not a drag queen or anything. Scott and Chris are off helping Mike…well, I think Chris is ‘helping him take the edge off.’ He had a flask of something or other. I didn’t ask. It seems like Josh and I can’t say the right thing to Chris lately. 

“You’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.” I chuckle.

“And you’ve just had flair.” He shoots back.

“Oh, cranky AND injured?” I smirk. “That’s a great combination for you. You should be oh so pleasant today.”

“After this I’m passing out on Toby’s couch. The crankiness will pass.” 

“Josh, I’ve been waiting for your crankiness to pass since the third grade.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ginger!”

I turn around at the sound of CJ’s voice in the bullpen and smile. 

“Wow! You look incredible!” she smiles at me. I love CJ. Though she’s way higher up than us in the pecking order, she always acts like one of the girls and has always treated us like that. She’s surrounded by men all day; Carol says it makes her nuts.

“Thanks, CJ.” I smile. “Did you need something?”

“No, I just saw you in here.”

“I was thinking about stashing my stuff in my desk, but with all the people that are going to be here, I’m thinking I might just put it all in Toby’s office. He’s going to lock the door.”

“I don’t think they’re letting anyone back here.”

“Better to be safe than sorry.” I shrug. “Plus, I don’t have to carry it.” And upon thinking about it, I’ll have a place to hide. A certain ex-boyfriend of mine is in the wedding party and I’m going to have to be in the vicinity of him and….HER, though I don’t say any of this to CJ. 

“Well, I’ve got a bunch of briefings to do tonight, so save me a spot at the bar, sister.”

“Will do.” I smile as CJ leaves the bullpen. I head into Toby’s office and stash my stuff behind his desk, intent on closing the door on my way out, so as not to wake Josh, who seems to be snoring on the couch. It makes me nuts that men get to take like 15 minutes to get ready for something like this. 

Wait…is he wearing makeup? You know what? I don’t want to know. I remember the morning his assistant found him passed out drunk on his office floor with women’s underwear around his neck. Nothing this man does surprises me.

I’m about to leave the office when, unfortunate circumstances of all unfortunate circumstances, my ex-boyfriend himself flies through the door. He stops dead when he sees me standing there and we stay there looking at each other like we’re stuck in cement. He looks good in a tux. And he’s going to be with HER all night. My stomach turns over and I wish I already had a few drinks in me to get through this awkward moment. 

“Hey.” He says quietly.

“Hey.” Don’t start crying, don’t start crying, don’t start crying. It’s been a while since we broke up, but it still hurts. I really loved him; I still do. We were good together and his breaking up with me came completely out of the blue. I really thought we were heading for something more.

“What are you doing back here?”

“This is where I work.”

“Tonight?”

“No, but I was leaving stuff in…you know what? It’s none of your business.” 

“I was just curious.” He says quickly. I’m getting my Jersey up here.

“Well, I have every right to be here. YOU on the other hand should not be back here. It’s me that should be asking you that question.”

“I’m a United States Congressman, I have clearance to be back here. And I’m here to wake up Josh so he has enough time to get ready.” 

I look at him for a moment then turn to the snoring Deputy Chief of Staff. “JOSH!” I bellow and he sits right up with the most atrocious bed head I’ve ever seen on him. 

“What’d Sam screw up now?” He says immediately and I stifle a chuckle. THAT’S his first instinct when he wakes up in this building…well, okay, I really can’t say I blame him.

“Nothing…yet.” I reply. “But give him time, the night’s young.” Josh smiles at me and rubs his eyes. “I think it’s time for you to get ready. I think you just rubbed some of your makeup off there, princess.” Chris chuckles and I glare at him.

Jerk.

“Shit. Matt’s gonna kill me.”

“Do you have a black eye?” I ask him.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you later. I’m too tired to get into it now.”

“Okay.” I shrug. I move to leave the office, but Jackass is still standing there. “Excuse me, Congressman.” I drip professionalism and his eyes widen and he steps out of my way. I smile demurely at him and then slam the door on my way out.

Asshole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She hates me.” I say with a heavy sigh dropping down onto the couch next to Josh.

“She misses you.” He replies, standing up and stretching. 

“Really? She said that?”

“Not to me, to Jackie.”

“She looks good.” I say looking out Toby’s office window and catching a glimpse of Ginger leaving the bullpen…very quickly.

“I imagine your girlfriend does too.” Josh says dryly. 

“Yeah.” I say after a moment, but I don’t quite meet his eyes.

He narrows his eyes a bit and looks at me. “Chris.” He says.

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

Many, many, many things, old friend.

“Nothing.” I say instead. 

“Okay.” He says with a heavy sigh then yawn. He gave up too easily there; he must be tired. “I’ve got to get dressed.”

“And fix your makeup.” I chuckle standing up.

“Shut up, Asshole.” He grumbles as I follow him out of the office. For a moment there, it feels like old times.

TBC


	10. Bells Will Be Ringing

“Daddy!” Linebacker Noah comes careening into my legs in his unique way of greeting me. He does this whether we’ve been apart for five days or five minutes. He wraps his little hands around my legs and stands on my feet while he attempts to climb up my body. I love it.

“Hey, buddy! How you doing today? Are you ready for the wedding?” I ask while I hoist him up to my waist.

“No!” Noah shouts ferociously. In addition to his issues with walking down the aisle, we also discovered he doesn’t care for his wedding clothes. Donna got him the cutest little tux and he looks adorable in it…right up until the point where he strips it off piece by piece. He hid the bow tie. It took us hours to find it. No, no…no DNA test necessary.

“Daddy?” Another voice hits me from below, but this one is quieter and sweeter as she tugs on my pant leg.

“There’s my Princess.” In a practiced move, I lean down to hoist Brianna up to my waist as well. All I need is Donna now and my world would be complete.

“Daddy got Owie?” Brianna carefully touches my head wound.

“It’s okay.” I tell her bravely even though it hurts like a son of a bitch.

“Kiss it.” She pronounces before she does just that, making me heart melt. This miniature Donna has me wrapped around her finger as firmly as her mother does. “All bedder.”

“Thanks.” I kiss her back and she giggles.

“You look much better.” Donna proclaims and kisses me too. “The First Lady does nice work.” She examines the stitches.

“She’s got no bedside manner, I can tell you that.”

“I’m sure you were very brave.” Donna attempts to placate me. “Here. She gave me this flesh colored bandage to cover the stitches. This way they won’t show on TV or in the pictures.”

“Ouch! Damn it, Donna!” 

“Damn it!” Noah repeats clear as day. Donna’s eyes go wide with horror.

“Joshua!”

“It hurt, okay?”

“You are such a baby.” Donna chastises me and takes Noah out of my arms. 

“Give me my son back!” I protest.

“Not while you’re teaching him to swear.” 

“Donna…”

“And let me just say that while you’re using that kind of language around our impressionable children there will be no sex for you either.” She threatens.

“No sex.” Noah repeats and I have to literally bite my lips to keep from cracking up. If I so much as laugh with my eyes right now, I’ll be dead before my body hits the floor.

“Oh. My. God. NOW look what you’ve done!” 

“I didn’t do THAT!” I point to Noah who is repeating ‘no sex’ like it’s now his favorite nursery rhyme.

“You made me do it.” She whirls around on her high heels which provide a perfect showcase for incredible legs and marches away with our son; presumably to stuff his mouth with peanut butter, or superglue his lips together.

“Mama mad.” Brianna informs me.

“Just a bit, yeah.” I kiss her again because she’s just so damn cute and get waylaid by Mike.

“I need to talk to you.” He says urgently. “Come with me.”

“Uh-uh. I’ve got Brianna. Besides the last time I left with you I ended up locked in a store room and requiring medical attention.”

“Seriously, Josh. Please.” Mike looks like he’s hyperventilating.

“Let me find someone to take Briana.” I sigh, but Mike takes the decision right out of my hands. 

“Chris will watch her. He’s great with females.” Mike hands my daughter to Chris over my mild protests and marches my out of the room with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why does he have to be so damn cute? He’s playing with Briana like she’s his own daughter. He has no trouble making a fool of himself for her and it’s captivating to watch. Speaking of making a fool of himself, here comes the piranha. What does he see in her? Doesn’t he realize she’s just using him to further her political agenda and help John Hoynes? I edge a little closer to hear the conversation.

“I can’t. I’m watching Bri.”

“Let someone else watch the kid. Governor Tillman wants to meet you.” She tells him.

“I promised Josh I’d watch BRI,” He emphasizes her name as opposed to calling her kid. Good for him. “So unless you want to introduce the TWO of us to Governor Tillman…”

“Fine. Choose babysitting over your career. That’s a great decision.” She stomps off. Good riddance.

“Hi.” Busted by a baby. Brianna waves to me when she catches my eye and Chris turns to see who she’s waving at.

“Hi, beautiful.” I wave back. “She gets bigger every day, I swear.”

“I know.” Chris agrees and tosses her up gently in the air. “It’s amazing.”

“Better be careful. If she gets sick and starts throwing up…” I warn.

He immediately sets her back down despite her requests for ‘up’. “Good point. Thanks.” He smiles at me and my heart goes into double time. “Want to join us for a bit?” He pats the spot next to him on the couch. I pretend to ponder it for a minute then sit down before he changes his mind.

“You’re really good with her.” I offer.

“Kids are easy.” Chris replies. “They accept you for who you are and it takes very little to make them happy.”

“There ARE some adults who are like that too.” I remind him and he shrugs before looking back at my face.

“Maybe.” His lips twitch. I like seeing that expression on his face. It’s been too long.

“You’re so jaded lately.”

“It’s hard to be in Washington for any length of time and not be jaded.”

“No, it’s hard to be in Washington any length of time and be naïve. You can manage D.C. and not get jaded. You didn’t used to be that way.”

“Things change.” He looks back down at the floor.

“Then maybe you can change them back.” I suggest. “I know any number of people who’d be happy to help you change them back.”

“You think?” He asks me seriously.

“I know.” I reply. Our faces are about twelve inches apart when Brianna pops up in between us. 

“Swing, Chwis. Swing!” 

“Okay, doll, but Ginger has to help us.” He looks over at me teasingly.

“Pease? Pease?” Brianna’s pleas are getting louder.

“Pease?” Chris echoes his charge.

“Fine.” I surrender and take Brianna’s little hand in mine; Chris does the same.

“One…Two…Three…SWING!” Chris announces and we swing the delighted girl between us gently. Brianna squeals with delight.

“More!” She begs. Chris and I share an amused grin and swing the Lyman Princess again and again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Take a breath.” He tells me. Like breathing is going to help at this point.

“I’m breathing too much. I’m going to hyperventilate and pass out with the whole world watching.” I complain.

“The whole world?” He laughs. “Who the hell do you think you are, Prince Charles?”

“YOU were the one telling me there’d be an international audience!”

“Well, yeah, you’re marrying the daughter of the President of the United States. The pictures and some B roll will play all internationally, but it’s not like the people in Australia are going to be glued to their sets, Mike.”

“They will be if I pass out and the wedding has to be called off.”

“That’s true.”

“You are NOT. HELPING.” I shout.

“Maybe I should get Matt?” He offers.

“NO!” I insist. “You’re the best man. It is your DUTY to talk me off the ledge here!”

“Okay…you’re talking metaphorically, right?” He asks and I roll my eyes. 

“Do you see me on a fucking ledge here, Lyman?”

“There’s freaking ledges all over this building, Casper. What I need to know is do I need to physically keep you off them or do you just need a shot of Whiskey right now?”

Hmmmm…I pause to consider this. Maybe a shot of Whiskey is just what I need. Not enough for me to get drunk but just enough to calm my nerves. “Whiskey.” I decide.

“Good enough.” Josh nods and runs off to fetch the liquid courage. The speed with which he returns with the bottle of Whiskey and two shot glasses make me think he was prepared for this meltdown of mine. It’s not that I’m unsure about marrying Ellie; that part I’m completely confident in. It’s this fishbowl thing I’d like to desperately avoid. Ellie would too, I know. We just need to get through a few hours and then we’ll be entirely alone for a week…with the Secret Service FAR in the background.

Josh pours us both a shot and we slam them down like we were still in college.

“Wait a second. I know why I’m drinking, but why are you drinking?”

“My head hurts like a son of a bitch.” He admits.

“How many stitches?” I ask him because the band aid covering it prevents me from counting them myself.

“Six, but I think it really only needed four. The other two were just an opportunity for Mrs. B to torture me a bit.”

“She does seem to enjoy that.” I smile. I’m feeling better already.

“Let’s take the bottle someplace quiet until they need us for pictures. We’ll sit down and kick back for a bit before the circus starts.”

“You’re a good friend Joshua.” I tell him.

“It’s mutual, Michael.” He laughs and I join in. I can do this. I know I can…mostly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re looking for this one?” Ginger asks me from the doorway. She points to where my daughter is perched on Chris Wick’s shoulders. Well, well, well…

“I am, but I hate to break up this charming picture.” I smile and wiggle my eyebrows. Ginger blushes and Chris looks down at the floor to avoid my gaze. Curiouser and curiouser. “Come on Princess Brianna. It’s time to put on your pretty for the pictures.”

Brianna is a ham for the cameras and she loves her ‘wedding dress’ so I’m perplexed when she refuses to come down off her perch.

“No. Chwis.”

“Chris will play with you after you’re dressed.” I try to reason with her.

“No. Chwis.”

“We can help you get her dressed.” Chris offers. “It looks like you have your hands full already.” He indicates how I’m presently wrestling my son into his mini tux. 

“Damn it!” He shouts and now MY face turns red. 

“He got that from Josh.” I tell them quickly. “Now you listen young man. It’s time to put your special clothes on for pictures. Daddy will be there too. It’ll be fun.”

“No, damn it.”I hang my head in shame. With my luck he’ll be shouting ‘damn it’ all the way down the aisle in front of the international press.

“Have a cookie, Noah.” I press the cookie to his mouth hoping to keep it too busy to repeat the other phrase he copied today.

Chris and Ginger both laugh and set Brianna down next to us where we engage in a team dressing of two toddlers. Every time Noah utters ‘damn it’ I shove another cookie into his mouth.

“Uh, Donna?” Ginger speaks up.

“What?”

“Aren’t you worried that giving him a cookie is encouraging him to repeat that phrase?”

“Huh?” Both kids are dressed and look adorable so we better take the pictures fast. “Time for pictures guys. Let’s go.” 

“I mean, every time he says…that, you give him a cookie so according to Pavlov…” Ginger continues.

I freeze in my tracks. “Shit.”

“SHIT!” Noah repeats and claps for himself which sends Chris and Ginger into uncontrollable laughter. Just shoot me now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I fidget with my veil once more as there’s a knock at the door. With wink and a nod, Liz opens the door and exits silently. We’re taking pictures before the ceremony so my dress won’t be a surprise when Mike sees me walking down the aisle with dad. So I arranged for a private showing with just the two of us before we get blinded by the flashes from the cameras.

Mike steps in and I’m surprised by his calm demeanor. He could at least have the courtesy to act as nervous as I feel. The he spots me in the corner and his eyes turn glassy.

 

“Eleanor. I’ve seen you looking beautiful before but this is…You’re a Goddess.”

Okay, that settled most of my nerves. “I wanted to look good so you’d think you were getting a good deal despite all this White House craziness.” I hold my hands out for him and he hurries over to take them in his.

“I knew I was getting a great deal before I saw you in that dress.” He says gallantly. “Now I think I must be dreaming. There’s no way a woman as smart and funny and gorgeous as you would voluntarily shackle herself to me for life.”

“You’re wrong.” I assure him. “My only regret is that we didn’t just run to the nearest Elvis impersonator in Vegas and tell everyone we got married after the fact.”

“No.” Mike shakes his head. “I won’t lie. I wish our wedding wasn’t quite this high profile, but there’s no way I’d give up this moment for some tacky thing in Vegas. I get to stand up in front of all our family and friends and tell them how much I love you. How we’ll be bound to each other for the rest of our lives. I’m not getting cheated out of that.”

“That might be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me, Mike. What brought all this on?” I think my whole face is beaming.

“Maybe it was the two shots of Whiskey.” He ponders.

“WHAT?!” 

“The last one was like an hour ago.” He hastens to explain. “I was nervous and Josh thought…”

“Josh?!”

“He was right. I’m not drunk. I’m not even buzzed. I’m just relaxed and excited. Let’s go get married, beautiful.” He leans in and kisses me gently.

“Sounds like a plan, Agent Casper.” I kiss him back with just a little more heat. The hell with my makeup. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner you can help me get out of this dress.” I tease. I don’t know what makes me say that when we have hours ahead of us before we’re alone. It’s just that after Mike’s little speech back there, I’m feeling…amorous. Mike looks like he may need another shot of Whiskey. Hell we might both need one…and that’s just fine.

TBC


	11. Bells Will Be Ringing

“What, are you like adopting her now?” the very shrew-ish Amy Gardner demands of Chris as we hover outside the East Room. Brianna is still clinging to Chris and he’s holding onto her while trying not to wrinkle her dress. Once she was all ready, Brianna insisted on staying with Chris, since Noah needed a lecture on ‘grown up words’ and ‘kids words,’ Chris and I volunteered to bring Brianna down and wait until everyone needed to get into place. 

“She’s my niece.” He replies.

“Sort of.” Amy scoffs.

“She’s my NIECE.” Chris says again dropping his tone a bit a bit.

“And she is…” Amy asks arching a brow and gesturing towards me. I know she knows who I am. She’s seen me around the White House. She probably just wants to hear Chris explain it; so would I, quite frankly.

“A very good friend of mine,” He finishes. On the one hand, I’m happy he came to my defense like that; on the other, I still wish there was ‘girl’ in front of the word friend. 

“You make quite the family picture.” Amy says stiffly and for a moment, my heart melts a bit at the memory that I once saw he and I going in this direction. 

“Amy…”

“How long am I supposed to occupy Governor Tillman for?” she demands cutting him off.

“Oh, just be your normal charming self with him and I’m sure he’ll stay riveted.” Chris snaps. “I’m in the wedding party, Amy. I can’t talk to him before the wedding.”

“You need to get your priorities straight and keep your eye on the prize.” Amy tosses back. “That’s how you end up HERE.” She says gesturing around her. I assume she’s referring to the White House. “I’ll see you after the ceremony.” She tosses a look back at me and saunters back into the East Room.

“Well, she’s…unpleasant.” I say.

He watches her walk away for a second, shrugs and turns back to me. He smiles a bit and I’m trying to remember if he smiled at all during his conversation with her. “She’s stressed out.”

“She certainly doesn’t bring out the best in you.” I say glibly. Hey, I’m the woman scorned here, I think I can be a little bitchy.

“I guess not.” He says softly. There was a time when I could easily read between the lines of what he was saying, but not now. 

“Save me a dance later?” I offer as I turn to walk away.

He smiles widely. “I’d like that.” 

As I walk away, I hear a bit of his conversation with Brianna.

“Well, Princess Bri, it’s almost time for the big show.”

“Ariel!”

“No,” He chuckles. “Not the Little Mermaid.”

I chuckle as I head over to join Jackie, Bonny, Carol, Cathy and Margaret. My eyes catch Amy Gardner adamantly chatting it up with the Secretary of Treasury and I have a hard time seeing she and Chris in the family picture.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You shouldn’t look this beautiful, Donnatella; its bad form to show up the bride on her wedding day.” 

She smiles widely at me and I think I’m the luckiest man on the planet. My wife, the mother of my children, my soulmate, she gets more beautiful every time I see her. 

“I only want to make the most handsome guy in the room look good.” She replies linking her arm with mine. 

“That’s not what you were thinking this morning.” I chuckle.

“It was my fear talking.” She says. “I was very worried about you. Nobody seemed to know where you were.”

“Believe me, if I’d had the means, I would have called.” We walk quietly for a bit towards the East Room where all the girls are lining up with the kids.

“What are you thinking about?” she says quietly as I spy Chris trying, and failing, to fend off both our kids.

“The luckiest day of my life.” I say softly.

“And what day was that?” she asks coyly.

There are so many since I met her, including our wedding day, I think, but since she’s looking for an answer, “The day I met you.” I smile. She smiles in response and her eyes start tearing up. “The last place I expected to find you was Matt’s office. I thought I was going to have to stalk Ainsley to find out more about you.” 

She looks like she wants to reply, but doesn’t trust herself. I squeeze her hand and the protocol officer heads over to shoo us all into place. I look down at my kids. “Don’t screw up.” I point down at them.

“Screw up!” Noah smiles and claps, Donna sighs, the protocol officer looks like she wants to jump out a window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I come bounding down the hall fast as I can. Does the world NOT understand I have something to do today? I mean, I’m the President of the United States and certainly the party starts when I get there…but not today. 

Ellie’s standing outside the East Room with Zoey, Donna, Liz, Abbey, the twins and that tight ass from protocol…I’m mean…actually, I don’t know her name.

Ellie turns to look at me and gives me the most radiant smile. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her happier. In the Catholic Church, in order to get married, you have to take a pre cana class that’s all about being married and what it means and all that crap. What nobody prepares you for is what happens to fathers of daughters, especially on their wedding day.

“Who had 15 minutes?” Abbey quips looking at her watch and back over to me.

“All right, sweet knees, enough.” 

The twins screech when they see me and come running at me with all the force and energy of a couple of comets. The tight ass from protocol tut tuts over getting their clothes wrinkled. Do you believe that? *I* just got tut-tutted.

After Brianna spends a few moments swinging from my neck as I try to put her down, I finally straighten up and look at my Eleanor. 

“I’m ready, Daddy.” She smiles softly. She hasn’t called me ‘Daddy’ since she was 12. Daughters are absolutely heartbreaking.

“Come here.” I say and lead her away from the crowd. The protocol tight ass looks like she’s going to open her mouth, but I see Abbey glare at her and she fades against the wall instead.

“You sure you want to go through with this?”

“Dad!” Ellie groans.

“I’m just saying, many people work for me. I can get you out of it.”

“I love him, Dad.” She means that with all her heart. Her heart that USED to be filled with me. 

Should have locked the three of them in a dungeon.

“All right.” I say and offer her my arm as the protocol tight ass lines us up.

Abbey’s first, then Donna, Zoey, the twins and Liz. The protocol tight ass steps away down the hall a bit. Donna keeps turning around to check out the kids, who are, for moment, standing at attention with their pillow (with fake rings) and basket of flower petals. They suddenly seem to be taking their jobs very seriously. They’ll be a much bigger hit than me and Ellie.

“It’s fine, Donna.” Liz says.

Donna takes a deep breath. “I’m terrified of what they’re about to do.”

“I’m on it.” Liz assures with a nod. “If I have to walk down with them I will.”

“I’m not sure THAT’S going to go over well.” Donna chuckles with a glance down the corridor at the protocol tight ass.

“There is no way that stuffy protocol Nazi is going to stop the President of the United State’s daughter during her sister’s wedding to correct her, not if she wants to be employed in the morning.”

Damn. That was impressive. I love how my girls decide all on their own who I fire and who I don’t. Must be nice to be able to make those kinds of decisions.

Pachelbel’s Canon in D begins and the doors to the East Room open.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I smiled my way all the way down the aisle. There’re flashbulbs everywhere. My face starts to hurt from this big smile I’ve got. Half way down the aisle I saw the guys standing up front. They look hot. There are SO many people here. I hope my kids don’t get completely freaked out.

I toss a look over at my husband who’s smiling widely at me, he winks at me when I get to the end of the aisle. As soon as I get to my spot, I immediately turn and look down the aisle, craning my head to try to check on my kids. I can’t decide if it’s good or bad that I can’t see them.

Zoey glides down the aisle next, smiling the whole way. She’s a pro at this stuff. 

Then I see my kids the same time there’s a collective “Aw” and smiles and murmurs. 

Yeah. Those are my kids!

Then, everyone starts cracking up.

Oh shit.

Noah is marching purposefully right down the aisle, just like he was told to. Brianna on the other hand is taking one step and dropping one flower petal, taking one step and dropping one flower petal. Liz is smiling and gently nudging her along.

The protocol Nazi looks like she’s going to have puppies.

Noah gets about half way down the aisle before he notices his sister isn’t with him and turns around. He huffs and marches right back to her. He stops in front of her, grabs a handful of flower petals and drops them unceremoniously onto the floor. 

Brianna shrieks.

He grabs another handful and walks down the aisle, she follows him with her hand out and demanding, in her own toddler way, that he return the petals. 

He spikes them like a football onto the floor. 

He grabs another handful.

She pushes him over. 

I just want to die.

Josh is cracking up.

He’s not going to think this is so funny when this is replayed in 150 languages all over the world that’s for sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those kids totally helped alleviate the tension in me right now. Donna looks like she wants the floor to swallow her up, but Josh is laughing loudly next to me. It seems like everyone finds it funny as well. 

With the help of Liz, the kids finally make it down the aisle, but Brianna goes running to her mother in tears. Noah stands in his assigned spot holding his pillow and looking very solemn. 

Liz takes her spot and the wedding march begins to play. Everyone rises. It’s not until Josh whispers “Just breathe” in my ear that I realize I wasn’t. 

Ellie begins to glide slowly down the aisle on her father’s arm. My mother bursts into tears in the front row. Josh’s mother pats her shoulder absently. When I lock eyes with Ellie, everything and everyone around her seems to get fuzzy and I see only her.

I already knew she looked beautiful today, but now she seems to glow too, her inner light shining brighter than a star.

Yes, I realize I sound like some kind of…I don’t know…poet or something.

As she reaches me, we’re supposed to turn and stand in specific spots, but I’ve got a gun so that protocol psycho can kiss my ass. I take Ellie’s hand and she looks grateful as we turn to the Chief Justice of the United States.

TBC


	12. Bells Will Be Ringing

“Uh…Ellie? Should I get your mother?” Donna asks hesitantly from the other side of the bathroom stall.

“No, I’m sure it’s just from nerves. I’ve had this problem all week.” I explain.

“All…week?” Donna repeats.

“Can you blame me? You know how I hate the spotlight and I’ve been alone in the spotlight all week!” I tell her as I exit the stall and run some cold water to splash on my face.

“Right.” Donna agrees hesitantly. “But…ummm…I don’t know how to put this but…”

“What?”

“Could there be another explanation?”

“Like what? Getting food poisoning every day for a week?” I laugh. “That would be extremely unlikely. The only other thing that would explain the symptoms would be…” I pale and sit down promptly on the floor before I hurl again.

“Yeah.” Donna wets a hand towel and presses it carefully on my neck. 

“I can’t be pregnant, Donna. I can’t be.”

“I’m sorry to be blunt, but have you and Mike…not had sex?”

“Donna…” I whine in an excellent imitation of Josh. “It’s my wedding night.”

“Sound like perfect timing to me.”

“Donna!”

“You’ll be finished with med school in the spring and you’ll have the whole summer to enjoy the baby…IF you’re pregnant.” She amends quickly.

“I’ve got to find out if I am or not. How am I going to do that?” I’m now officially panicked. “I’m in the White House on Christmas Eve!”

“And in the hands of lesser mortals…” Donna replies smiling. I think the ego thing must be contagious in the Lyman family.

“What do you mean?” I ask point blank. My mind is too frozen to figure out what she’s alluding to.

“Your mother is a physician who passes out condoms, lollipops, and Band-Aids at the free clinic…?” She hints.

“If you’re right it’s too late for the condom, and too early for lollipops or Band-Aids.” I remind her.

“It’s not out of the realm of possibility that she’d have pregnancy tests in her medical stash here.” 

“Oh…OH!” I shout as I get her drift. Of course she’s right. “But I can’t exactly slip away and rummage through mom’s stuff.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Donna assures me. “Now when you see my signal, come meet me back here.”

“What’s the signal?” I ask.

“I’ll tug on my ear while I’m looking at you.” She explains. “Go back to the reception and act like there’s nothing wrong. We’ll get this figured out in no time.”

“Right. Pretend there’s nothing wrong.” I nod and think to myself that my acting talent is nowhere near good enough to pull this off, so I’ll have to stay around strangers as much as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dr. Bartlet asked me to get something out of her medical bag for her. Ellie is feeling a little shaky.” I explain with a winning smile. I’ve been walking all around the residence for the past few days with nobody so much as blinking at me, so I don’t anticipate any trouble, but I can’t help the anxious feeling I have while lying to the Secret Service.

They let me pass through to Dr. Bartlet’s office without a word. Obstacle one: Get into Dr. Bartlet’s office unimpeded; accomplished. I could be the next Jack Bauer…except for the torture. No way could I handle or hand out torture.

I start rummaging through Dr. Bartlet’s office and it doesn’t take me long to find the small pregnancy test kits. I grab one, then a second for safe measure, and lacking anywhere else to put them, stuff them into the top of my stocking; praying the garters will hold them up and that the boxes won’t rip my hose. Obstacle Two: Find a pregnancy test (or two in this case) and conceal them on my person; accomplished. 

Now I’ll just get back to the reception, give Ellie the signal and help her take the tests. Compared to the first part of this mission, the rest of this will be a snap. I shake my dress out a bit and paste a casual look on my face, when I hear a voice behind me.

“Why are you hiding pregnancy tests in your stockings, Donna Lyman?”

Obstacle Three: Escape Dr. Bartlet’s office with the pregnancy tests undetected; Failed…big time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was simply coincidence that I came into my office tonight. One of the guests had come down with a migraine and since I had something here to treat them with I slipped out of the reception briefly to get it. Imagine my shock when I saw Donna pilfering not one, but two pregnancy tests. So I ask her about it.

“There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.” She assures me.

“Let’s hear it.” I lean back against the doorjamb. 

“I’ll tell it to you…as soon as I think of it.” She mutters.

“Donna…please tell me that you haven’t risked your health, and your very life, by attempting to get pregnant again.” I ask quietly.

“No! No, I swear! That’s not it at all. I could never put Josh through anything like that again.” She adds hastily. “Besides, we’re very happy with the family we have.”

I believe her. Yet there are two pregnancy tests stuck in her stockings.

“Is this for some kind of practical joke you’re playing on Mike and Ellie?” I wonder.

“Uh, yeah, yes. That’s exactly what it is.” She nods and edges toward the door. I stand up straight and completely block her path.

“That doesn’t make sense.” I shake my head back at her slowly. “If it were for a joke, you’d have just asked me for the tests so someone really does need a test. Someone you’re close enough to, that you’d risk stealing them out of my office. Someone who couldn’t come up here and get them herself. Someone who…Donna? Are those for anyone I’m related to?”

“Ma’am…” Her eyes beg me not to press.

“Perhaps someone wearing white today?” I ask knowing Ellie has been nauseous all week.

“Ma’am, please!” 

“Come on, Donnatella.” I instruct her after grabbing the migraine medication for our guest. “If I’m going to be a grandmother again, I want to know about it firsthand.” 

“So much for being Jack Bauer.” She mutters, but walks back to the reception with me. When Ellie sees Donna, her eyes light up. Then she notices I’m with Donna and she turns beet red. I’m happily surprised, though, to see her graciously excuse herself from her present company and walk over to join us, head held high.

“Ellie, your train is falling a bit. Let’s step into the ladies room and fix you up.” I suggest and she nods. Once inside, Donna quickly locks the door. Whether or not Ellie is pregnant is going to be a secret shared by the three of us…at least for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The midnight chimes begin to ring and I take a moment to simply absorb all this.

Our friends and family surround us. I’m wearing the most beautiful dress imaginable dancing to an incredible orchestra that is playing “Unforgettable”. It’s an appropriate song given the news I’m about to share.

As the clock strikes midnight, I lean in and whisper the news that he’s going to be a dad. He looks shocked for a minute before he breaks into an ‘unforgettable’ smile and kisses the hell out of me. I think he’s pleased at the news.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You summoned me?” Chris asks with a wary expression. 

“I asked you to come.” I correct him as the rest of our foursome appears. “There he is. The man of the hour; the son-in-law of the President of the United States.” I swear to God, Mike Casper, veteran FBI Agent, pales at my comment.

“You’re the best man. You’re supposed to keep me calm, not freak me out.”

“Nah, that was just before the ceremony. Now it’s Ellie’s job.” I correct him too. I pass out the glasses of champagne to my friends. “First to Mike and Ellie Casper. May they know nothing but the joys that marriage and family brings.”

We all take a drink though Mike chokes a bit.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing! It’s just that we may find out about the joys of family sooner than we’d planned.” Mike grins from ear to ear. “Ellie just told me.”

“That’s fantastic!” I embrace Mike as much as two manly men are allowed. Matt and Chris follow suit. “She just told you!”

“She just found out herself.” Mike admits. “You’re going to want to ask your wife for details later.” He tells me but waves off my obvious questions. 

“To the newest little Agent Casper!” Chris grins and offers the toast. 

“Hear, hear!” Matt chuckles and we all drink again. The others start to move back toward the party but I stop them.

“Guys?” I get their attention. They all stop and wonder back when I say nothing further.

“What is it, Josh?” Mike asks quietly.

“I just want to…” I begin but get choked up. I discussed this with Donna and she seemed to think it was a good idea, but now that I’m standing in front of these guys I wonder if I should have gotten another guy’s opinion instead of Donna’s. The only problem with that is that the guy whose opinion I would have asked would have been in this group anyway so…

“Josh?” Chris prompts me.

“I was…uh…talking to Donna a couple days ago; shared some stuff with her and she thought it might be a good idea if I shared it with you.” There. Now it’s Donna’s idea and if it crashes and burns I can blame it on her.

“Is everything okay with you two? The kids?” Matt follows up. All of them have their concerned faces on so I smile in what I hope is a reassuring manner.

“We’re all fine.” I add verbally. “It’s just that…at Christmas time I’m always reminded of…well, THAT Christmas and what each of you did for me to help me pull through that living nightmare.” I choke up again.

“Hey, Josh…” Mike is more uncomfortable than me right now and I didn’t think that was possible. It makes me chuckle.

“Mike.” I interrupt him. “This is important to me to say.”

He nods and closes his mouth.

“I know we’ve been through a lot of ups and downs lately, but I want each of you to know that doesn’t affect how much I trust and respect you; how much I value our friendship. If it hadn’t been for you and Donna…I wouldn’t have made it through that Christmas alive. I know that.”

Now all of them look uncomfortable and that’s the last thing I want. “All I want to say is that I look around me THIS Christmas and all I see are these wonderful things and this wonderful life that I’d have missed if it hadn’t been for you guys. So…thanks. I’m lucky to have you as my friends. To a new year together.” 

“Once in awhile, I see proof of the 760.” Chris tells me. “To a new year and all that it brings each of us; alone and together.”

Mike and Matt echo the toast. It’s the first time Chris has moved to include himself with us and it makes my chest tight.

“Okay, okay.” I wave off the nostalgia and emotion. “Let’s get this man back to his wife.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m married. I’m a married man. I have a wife. I am a husband and I have a wife.

“I know you have a wife. Most of the world knows you have a wife.” Josh mutters to me. “You don’t have to keep repeating it.”

“I said that out loud?” I question.

“You did.” He nods. “You’ve got that ‘deer in the headlights’ expression again. It was gone for awhile, but now it’s back. Should I go get the whiskey?”

“Nah.” We’ve made it through all the tough stuff; the ceremony, the receiving line with all its damn protocol, and the formal dinner and dancing. Now it’s just literally icing on the cake.” I take a deep breath. “Tomorrow at this time Ellie and I will be blessedly alone at an undisclosed location.”

Josh chuckles. “I have visions of you two in an underground bunker when you use phrases like that.”

“Believe me, an underground bunker would be preferable to one more formal event.”

“Luckily for you both, you have to endure neither another formal event nor a honeymoon in a bunker.” Josh claps me on the shoulder. “Go find your bride for a dance or two. By then you can escape relatively unnoticed.”

“No wonder people say you’re a brilliant strategist.” I smile and cut in on my wife as she’s dancing with the ambassador of someplace or another. Her face blushes when I turn her in a fast circle and whisper what I’d like to do with her once we’re alone.

She looks up at me with love shining in her eyes and I realize I would do ANYTHING for this woman and the child she’s carrying; simply anything. Just a little bit longer and we’re out of here. I have never felt so ‘high’ in my life. 

THE END


End file.
